Da Koch Blog

the winner takes it all

2011-10-14T20:11:00.005-07:00

We had a great summer. I mean it. GREAT. It helped that Ryan was off on parental leave for 10 weeks. Yeah, that helped a lot. It also helped that life with these three girls of ours is just so sweet. I am continually amazed at how different each of them are, as well as how much they change with each new season.

It was the last night of our camping trip. We had spent four days with cousins, uncles and aunts and were all ready to head home the next day. A camping family reunion really is fun! We had sites all near each other and there was a big open area with a playground within sight of all of our little temporary homes. The cousins played all day long and at 7pm each night came a most exciting event: the wagon ride! Normally, riding behind a tractor on a wagon would be thrill enough, but the teenaged girls who ran the show upped the thrill by handing out tickets at the beginning of the ride. When the ride was over, all the kids gathered around the teens to hear who's tickets won a prize. There were usually about 5 lollipops to be given out, and on the first night, Plava was one of them! She was so excited, and nervous to collect the prize alone, so I went up with her and she beamed as they handed it to her. She licked and licked until she had had enough sugar (about halfway through) and then handed it over to eager, wide-eyed Pito. Pito, who was 3, was rather disappointed that she didn't win a prize, but was quite excited to cash in on the remainder of her big sister's prize. I mean, who wouldn't be thrilled to finish off a slobbery sucker?

Each night it was the same: the wagon ride, the tickets, the prizes. And every night after that first one, the girls came back empty handed. Each time it happened, Pito became more and more distraught. Too young to understand her chances (about 40 to 1) and too innocent to not feel totally let down when her number wasn't called. On the second last night she simply cried as she walked back from the ride.

On the last night, the last chance for any of the kids to win a lollipop, the girls called out five numbers. Again, Pito's ticket wasn't called. But then, wait. There was a "GRAND PRIZE". They pulled a last ticket out of the box and called it out. It was Pito's!! "That's yours, Pito!!" I whispered as her eyes grew big and her mouth dropped open. She walked bravely, with that same face, up to the front and presented her ticket. Into her little hand they placed a different prize - a large, candy-filled noise-maker. She turned around and looked at me, with half a smile on that wide open mouth, and held it up.

We walked slowly back to the campsite and she kept those eyes as wide as can be. She kept muttering, "I won...!" to herself, and anyone she passed, holding the prize up so they could see. "I won...!"

These moments, as hilarious and small as they are, make me laugh every time I think of them. That innocent amazement that she actually got her ticket called, that she was the one out of all those kids that won the GRAND PRIZE. I can hardly believe how my love for these girls grows. Pito, you are a gem. You're full of mischief, and drive me crazy all the time, but you're so loved. Plava, you are getting so smart and tall, and I can hardly believe how your sense of humour is developing and as well as your strong will. Pony, I am really loving watching you get bigger, and as you reach this great age of 6 months, you are coming out of your fog and starting to show your sweet personality little by little. I love you too!

AMEN!

nowadays

2011-08-06T22:19:00.003-07:00

Bringer of Joy

2011-05-02T19:46:00.004-07:00

For weeks I had been having contractions. They'd come and go, some stronger and more disruptive to my daily tasks and others mild but noticeable. The odd evening, they'd become regular but only linger for a few hours and then be gone. I had been warned that with each subsequent pregnancy one can expect to have more and more pre-labour action, and that was exactly what I was experiencing. It was nice to expect it, and I even went as far as deciding that I wanted to be "in denial" of labour until I was starting to push! Wouldn't that be nice? Hah.

Well, at 5 days past my due date (which I tried not to put any hope in), and after countless nights that Ryan and I said goodnight to each other thinking that we might be up a few hours later only to wake in the morning with no baby in our arms, I decided to finally get one last task done that I had been procrastinating on. I wanted to sew some cloth baby wipes, and so I got out the machine, fabric and supplies and began sewing. And wouldn't you know it, as soon as I started in on that task, the contractions began. At first they seemed just like the ones I had been having over the past few weeks, but after a little while I started realizing that they were coming fairly regularly, and so while I sewed, I would glance up at the clock every so often and see how far apart they were. 8 minutes. 6 minutes. 7 minutes. 5 minutes. Hmmm....no, I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Denial, right? :)

The girls were downstairs watching TV, and Ryan was puttering around the house doing a little tidying, a little organizing (this is completely normal behavior for my Dutch husband), and a little facebook perusing. I didn't bother mentioning it to him, since I didn't want him to start to jump to conclusions either.

Then all of a sudden they were stronger, and coming 3 minutes apart. I let Ryan know that it might be time to call his mom to pick up the girls for their "baby's coming sleepover", and I called the midwife.

I must say that after weeks of anticipation, much excitement and confidence, and having such a hard time patiently waiting for labour to begin (labour that I was so thrilled to be able to go through again, especially after having become a doula and having gained so much more knowledge and respect for the event), as soon as I realized that it might be actually starting, I was flooded with panic and anxiety. Suddenly I was facing it again. For the third time I would be experiencing my body giving birth - no small feat. For the third time I would be heading into uncharted waters, because really, who can predict how it will go? My first two were so different - the first being long and hard and the second being mere hours of extreme intensity. What would this be like?

I asked Ryan to calm me, to pray for my peace, to be close to me while I passed through this moment. And I was met with just that - a calm, happy peace passed over me as I breathed deeply and remembered to relax my body and mind, as he prayed over me.

I am a person of faith, you might say. I have spoken of it before, and yet it seems to change and grow and shift as life goes by. In my mental and spiritual preparation for this labour and birth, I spent some time seeking out the paths I would need to take to find comfort and to pass through this experience without panic and fear. I have always known the God of the Bible as "He", but have also believed that God is bigger than gender, and that the male gender doesn't encompass all that God is. And in this preparation, I felt that I would need God to be a SHE. A mother. A mother who understood childbirth, who understood because she created all people. With this image I began my labour.

I imagined myself on a wooden deck overlooking a vast field of wildflowers, sun shining and breeze blowing cotton through the air. I was holding my baby, and the Mother was with me, loving the baby as much as me. I swayed back and forth with the contractions and she swayed with me.

Labour slowly intensified, and as it did, I moved from the bed we had set up in the living room into the kitchen, leaning against the counter, and then as things got more intense, into the bathroom and into the bath. All the while, I was on that porch, overlooking that field, swaying and holding my baby, with the Mother alongside me.

I lay in the bath and my left brain told me I was nearing transition as the contractions intensified and I began to calmly, loudly, moan through them. They came one on top of the other. My thoughts became foggy as my right brain took over. Here's another one. If I just moan loud enough, long enough, rhythmically enough, they're manageable. Don't tense my body. Leave it limp. Moan through them. By the third moan, the contraction will peak and I'll be over the hardest part. Moan. Relax. Don't tense my hands. Moan it out and away. Breathe. Breathe. Rest. Relax. Another one coming. Moan through it. Third moan will do it. Relax. Don't tense.

The midwife and Ryan were whispering. Then she asked, "are you feeling pushy?". Then I felt the baby move downwards. A new sensation. Two more contractions and my body gave way to the otherworldly urge to bear down. Baby was coming. And soon.

No amount of relaxation could have kept me calm and quiet at this point. I came back to myself. My head cleared. I began to feel panic, and was reassured by the midwife and Ryan that I was doing well. The midwife told me that the baby was "right there", to which I roared, "I KNOW!", because I did. :) The second midwife arrived as I climbed out of the tub and onto the bathroom floor. They were going to bring me into the living room where the bed was set up, but I wasn't going to move from that spot. The baby was coming and I was going to have it right there!! Ten minutes later, she was lying on my chest, big, pink and perfect. She cried her eyes out at the cold and shock of light and noise. A healthy, beautiful baby girl.

Had I at some point wanted a boy? Had I really thought that I might be disappointed if a girl came out? Those thoughts raced through my mind and seemed so foreign, so hilariously mistaken! It was she who was in my belly the whole time! It was she who we were waiting for! Not some random lottery of gender, or person, or identity. She already had her own identity - our beautiful little baby girl. Not even "number 3" or "the third daughter". No, she was herself. She was her own person, in her own right, and I am so happy she's here. She has brightened up our lives, just as her sisters did each in turn as they arrived into our family. I'm so thankful for her, and for the person she'll become as she grows, whoever that may be. Thanks be to the Mother for sustaining me, for my husband who held me up, to the midwives for their gentle support and wisdom.

Her name means "bringer of joy", and it rings so true.

she's here!!!

2011-04-13T22:14:00.003-07:00

Yup!! Little Pony is a girl!! Born after 6 hours of labour at home. We're loving her!!! More to come...

40+2

2011-04-08T17:30:00.006-07:00

40+2. That's super cool doula-lingo for "40 weeks and 2 days". Yeah. I'm overdue. Yeah, I know I look huge. Yeah, everyone seems to want to "let me know" that even though I'm completely aware of it. Fun times!!

This is the week that will help me be an even better doula!! This is the week I need to remember when I am sitting listening to a very overly pregnant client who is complaining about how miserable she feels, how she hates people constantly talking about her appearance, about how huge she looks, about how "it looks like the baby is about to fall out!". I will listen and remember and sympathize, and I'll remind her what I keep trying to remind myself.

It will all be over soon. In fact, it will all begin soon! That's a much more accurate description, isn't it? Because what do we women do? We feel horrible, whether it be because of impatience, discomfort, or pain, and then as soon as that baby is out we COMPLETELY FORGET ABOUT IT. It's funny. In a few days (I hope!) I'll be so beyond this state that I won't even give it a second thought!

So, in light of that happy future, I'll share some lovely pictures of the past while. Enjoy!

needle

2011-03-07T14:01:00.009-08:00

"I don't want to get my shot."

So this was what was on the schedule for today. 5-year-old immunizations. You can imagine that it was a bit of a heavy thing on Plava's little heart. At the best of times, a shot would be a terrifying idea. She did successfully get on the scale at the doctor's office the other day though, yes, for the first time ever, and so she has been known to surprise us! Haha.

I'm happy to report that she did it. No, the nurse did it, with me holding her (really tightly) while she cried and (well, screamed) but was somewhat resolved to the fact that it was needing to happen. With me and the kind and sympathetic nurse's help, we settled her down afterwards and she was chattering in no time, but remained very weepy on and off for the next while. When we were walking back to the van, she commented that it was the hardest thing she's ever done. :) What a poor, sweet, sensitive kid. It's not easy being a parent to ANY kid, and with Plava she has her own set of challenges, but she is pure gold on the inside. (Aren't they all?)

After a brief visit to her school where she hummed and hawed over whether she wanted to do the rest of the day with her friends, we headed out for a little lunch and then home for quiet time, where she's nursing her arm with an ice pack in her bed. :) Maybe she'll even get a little shut-eye.

Whew! A difficult appointment, but necessary. I certainly could have cried at a few points there, but didn't and remained loving but strong in the fact that it needed to happen. I managed to avoid begging and pleading, and there were no threats or promises of rewards after. (I've been at this with Plava for way too long to believe that those would work anyway!! Hah!) Feeling a little drained but happy that it's over, just as she is.

Tata!

"I got my shot but I cried a lot."

a year (and a bit) in photo booth pics

2011-02-26T20:27:00.012-08:00

That's Plava, being goofy.

Funny Dad.

Family wrassle time!!

Tee hee!!

Goof.

Plava and her friend, A

Gorgeous.

Making Plava laugh.

Partay!!

Halloween makeup.

A little creepy, but this is Plava after school having some fun on the computer.

Precious silly-bands.

Smooch!

Yes.

Check out Pito's face.

The happy couple.

Snif snif!

Look-alikes.

Post-nap snuggle.

Weird parents?

How long is YOUR tongue?

Stretchy lips!

I wasn't snoozing. I had the flu. (Which means free time on the computer for Plava.)

Squishy heads.

2010!!

A moment of mayhem. Typical.

Cutie Patootie.

I think Pito may have had the flu this time.

Sass.

"D" for doula!

I love those glasses, and Pito's smile.

Peace.

Me 'n my little sheep.

Cousins.

Pito figuring it out herself.

Halloween ready!

Sleepy mirror.

Gum.

Artwork.

Pito posing while we watch hockey.

Plava, Pito and their friend, M.

The belly.

Pito quote

2011-02-24T20:27:00.003-08:00

"Last night I had a scary dream. A dinosaur bit my hand. BUT IT DIDN'T CRACK OPEN!!"

is tired

2011-02-24T20:06:00.005-08:00

I have 6 weeks (exactly) until my due date. And how stupid is it that I have not only written that on my blog, but even considered it significant? Because what is it.... 3% of women who actually give birth on their due date? And what's my trend? LATE. Yup, with Plava I was 9 days late and with Pito 6. So I'm counting on 7 weeks from today, just to keep myself sane.

As I write this, I'm glancing over at the tv next to me watching the hockey game. Yes, we have the TV screen right beside the computer screen. A little overkill? Definitely, especially when we do this kind of double-watching thing. Ridiculous!

So back to ME and my body that is full of baby. I'm feeling pretty dang tired these days. It could be that I'm fighting off this crazy feverish cold that everyone around me seems to have (Pito, Pito's classmates, Plava's classmates, Ryan's workmates, etc), or it could be the true end of pregnancy exhaustion. Yes, there's a good chance that that is involved.

I'm really excited to meet this baby. I really can't wait to find out what gender it is!! Having found out with both the girls, it's bizarre to not know this time. There's a kind of disconnect that I feel, and yet at the same time, there's something really interesting about the mystery. What a moment that will be when he or she emerges!!

I'm doing a home birth this time - first time. I figured if I'm a doula now, and know the benefits of home births, I better actually try one myself!! Sheesh! Walk the walk, lady!! So I'm excited, and nervous, and certainly not militant about giving birth at home. No, if there's any question about needing some medical support, I have no problem going to the hospital. I mean, it's there for when you need it - why would I refuse simply on the basis that I want to have a baby at home? So that's the plan.

This means that I'm going all-natural, baby. Of course there are no pain-meds at home so that's kind of the commitment you make. I'm reading an interesting book at the moment called "Hypnobirthing" (sounds way hokier than it is) and it's really interesting - talking about how to relax to a point of mentally being elsewhere in order to feel less pain. That's a bad description of it, but it's got some good stuff in it. I'm very curious to give it a go.

Yes, so labour and birth are on the brain! Do wish me luck, since although I do PLAN to be on the blog before then, if you've been checking in here for a while, you know my ways...

Tata!

The Farmhouse Bed

2011-01-23T23:14:00.006-08:00

It's here! I mean, it's built!! And I built it myself!! Yes I did!!!

And this, my friends, is the space I had to work with. I'm telling you, a tight workshop is not the best (or safest) of places to build a king-sized bed!!

Ooooh, the bed is assembled in the bedroom!! This is me being patient with my husband the photographer while I wait for him to come and help me screw the side cleats into the footboard. The next picture (because there had to be two) showed a slightly less patient expression on my face. :)

The slats are in!!! (1.5 inches apart, as requested by the mattress warranty people.)

And the bed is done and dressed!! Eeeeeee!!!

Let me not forget to tell you all the work we did on the walls before we actually got to bringing the bed up. See that wallpaper below? Yes, we did that. See that paint? Yes, us too.

This is the picture of true and utter exhaustion. I was so completely done.

Ryan the photographer tried to get some interesting shots. (I built the table too, but some months ago!)

Oooooh, Aaaaaaah!

Couldn't get away without a weird one, could I? This is me in the mirror, utterly exhausted (and showing it with my crazed expression) so happy to be done, and quite proud of my work!!

an outing

2011-01-23T22:32:00.006-08:00

The camera was set on a bad setting, so the pictures are rather pixelated, but we had a lovely outing to a local beach this morning in the mist!

love to the max

2010-11-30T22:09:00.004-08:00

I love this. Plava painted it. I'm not sure what it is that makes that kid so absolutely full of love, but it just oozes out of her. I am so lucky.

And Pito did this one.
I'm amazingly proud of her too, because she's only just turned 3 and look at that marvelous use of colour and control! Maybe she's not amazingly young for doing such work, but I'm a proud mama. What can I say?

Speaking of Pito being 3, today is actually her birthday! Happy birthday little turkey! We had a nice little family breakfast of waffles and bacon and eggs, topped off with some pink cupcakes, each with a "smarss-smellow" on top. (Pito's choice of course, and that translates to "marshmallow, in case you couldn't tell.) Good times!

No 'Poo

2010-11-11T14:18:00.002-08:00

So I've started a new little experiment. Yes! I have!

I'm doing the "no 'poo" experiment. Now before you jump to the (seemingly obvious) conclusion that this has something to do with bowel movements, I will correct you. I'm taking the challenge of a fellow natural-living advocate and following her example of not using shampoo or conditioner on my head for a while. (Here's the article.)

So, essentially, I'm avoiding the shocking amount of toxins that shampoo and conditioner have (who knew?) and am washing my hair with...wait for it...baking soda! Yeah!! And even better, I'm conditioning it with apple cider vinegar!! Woo! Sounds rather smelly, doesn't it?

Well it's not, actually. It's surprisingly normal feeling. Yes, my hair feels like straw after the washing part, and there's a smell of vinegar in the air when I condition, but as soon as I'm out of the shower, I feel like I washed with my normal stuff.

The differences? Well, apart from not absorbing the chemicals, my hair has SO MUCH BODY!! WOW! I mean, I need to kind of tame it down somehow....seriously. It might be partly because I'm preggers too and have the overly abundant hair of pregnancy... Another plus? Super cheap! Woo!

Anyway, fun experiment!

falllll!

2010-10-26T10:38:00.003-07:00

Have I ever mentioned that I love fall? Haha - what a joke. Of course I have!! Well this fall is no different, and especially lovely because we have just had a few solid weeks of beautiful autumn sun. It's raining now, and is supposed to continue for some time, but that just leaves me with a cozy feeling which enhances the love for fall!! I tell ya, this season was made with me in mind!

As halloween approaches we're getting the girls' costumes ready and they're quite excited! Plava will be a bunny, and Pito will be a cat. Simple this year, which is nice considering the wee baby in my belly is causing me to be rather achy and uncomfortable these days.

Speaking of said baby, Pito promptly named it PONY, which she was naming everything in sight at the time, so there we have it - another P name. Appropriate eh? So yes, Pony is about 5 inches in length from head to bum at this point, which seems SO HUGE to me, but it makes sense with how much I'm showing and how much I'm feeling! This kid is kicking up a storm! So much fun.

The girls are, as you might imagine, really excited. They have already started divvying up teaching responsibilities. Pito will be teaching the baby to crawl and Plava will teach it to walk. Hah. Pito is also sure that the baby is going to come out and say, "There's my big sister, Pito!" They're also both very excited to hold the baby, and snuggle with it, and sleep with it. Very cute.

What will three kids be like? I don't know. Busier, I presume. Many people say it feels like you lose some control because it's no longer an even parent to kid ratio. I don't think we're too hung up on control at this point in time though, so hopefully it isn't too shocking. :) (The actual experience may teach us that we are more hung up on control than we think though! Who knows?) Anyway, in short I'm pretty excited to meet this baby. I'm pretty excited to get through this pregnancy (it's merely a means to an end this time, man!), and I'm pretty excited about getting to go through labour and birth again, and then to have a newborn. Such a wonderful time! Hard too, but in my experience so far, wonderful. I'm lucky to have had healthy, mostly un-fussy babies too, which I am really thankful for.

So fall is in full swing. I'm already starting to think about Christmas presents and am playing carols on the piano already. My kids are definitely going to be sick of Christmas by the time it comes! Haha!!!

Well, happy fall to you all! Happy Halloween! Happy crunching leaves, carving pumpkins, and enjoying the coziness of warm drinks on cold nights!

Projects

2010-10-25T14:00:00.001-07:00

I really really want to make this.

And build this to go on top, to kind of make a hutch. For the kitchen.

But this is the most imminent need and the next thing I'll be building. Cutesy-patootsy eh?

oh, by the way...

2010-10-21T21:41:00.001-07:00

NUMBER 3 IS ON THE WAY!!!

a feast of insight

2010-10-08T19:41:00.004-07:00

So, I've started a book recently (this meaning that I am procrastinating finishing my doula-ish reading that comprises part of my certification requirements!!) that has gripped me beyond what I expected. It's called "The Highly Sensitive Child".

A woman I recently met and have gotten to know a little recommended it to me, and as soon as I heard the title I was sure I had heard it talked about before. She lent me the book and it sat for some months on my dresser waiting for me to be done with my other books (the list of 6!) that I was wanting to get through first. I picked it up on a whim one day in September and thought I'd take a peek. Let me just say, it had me at the intro. :)

It is riveting! Specifically because it is describing Plava so very well, and explaining exactly what I have thought intuitively about her all along.... I realize this sounds completely arrogant, like I had all the answers already, but let me explain WHY I somehow understood my sensitive little thing. It's because I, too, am what they call a "highly sensitive person". Now, if I continued on here, I might lose you. In fact, I may have you wondering what in the world I'm going on about already. So I won't. I'll only say that this book is so challenging and interesting and eye-opening and affirming for me. I recommend it to anyone who has a child that has certain sensitivities that they don't understand, or is often labelled "shy", or that has a hard time in new surroundings, around new people, etc. The original book written by this author (Elaine N Aron) is called "The Highly Sensitive Person" and it's now on my list of future reads.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. Highly recommend it!

Kwindergarten

2010-10-06T16:10:00.003-07:00

Well, it's been a month. I thought it would be nice to finally put some of my thoughts into words. There are many (thoughts, that is), and I'll try to be collected here, and somewhat eloquent, but I promise nothing because my thoughts on this subject seem to be fluid and haven't stopped and stood in any particular stance yet.

Plava is in Kindergarten at a private school near us which costs a lot, but has the benefit of (a) uniforms (A LIFE SAVER ON SCHOOL MORNINGS FOR MY VERY PICKY DRESSER!), (b) 3 full days a week as opposed to the public school system which is 5 full days, (c) Plava knowing a few of her classmates, and (d) what seems very good in terms of academics, education and staff morale.

Plava, as many of you regular readers know, is quite a sensitive girl. In fact, I'm reading a very good book right now that seems to be written for me (!!) called "The Highly Sensitive Child" that is shedding a lot of light on Plava's ways and how best to foster growth and maturity in a healthy way. But I digress. She is sensitive, which means many things. One of the many ways in which this (high) sensitivity manifests itself is that she has a different reaction to new situations than many less sensitive kids do. Specifically, she senses more danger, has more hesitation, and holds back as much as she can UNTIL SHE'S COMFORTABLE, at which point she will be absolutely fine, even confident - a leader in the group.

At preschool last year, she had marvellous, MARVELLOUS teachers who were sensitive enough to know how best to foster her growth and respect the rate at which she needed to warm up to things. In their words, "There were some things that we insisted she do, and other things we allowed her to back off on until she was comfortable. By a few months in, she was right in there." This was a small class of 10 students and 2 teachers, a small room, and a nice, enclosed outdoor play area. Perfect situation for the sensitive child to come out of their shell.

Unfortunately, Kindergarten is different. Naturally, there are 18 children in the class, and one teacher, and that teacher has to deal with a myriad of different types of kids, of which Plava is only one. I've tried speaking to her, and getting from her how she's doing with Plava, and hearing how Plava's doing, but in the chaos of drop-off and pickup, it's a challenge to get many words at all in, and as Kindergarten teachers often are, she generally keeps a very happy lovely tone on while talking, and I end up feeling like I'm talking to a mask rather than a real person. Frustrating when you're truly wanting to help your kid adjust.

Now, to set it straight, Plava is not doing too badly. She had a very hard first drop-off. There were tears (okay, screaming panic), and I needed to pry her little clinging body off mine and hand her to the teacher. That was awful, and although I know that it communicated one thing (that I am not able to stay with you in Kindergarten), I do worry that it communicated other things with it (I am not on your side/You can't trust me/I'm not a safe, trustworthy parent). I know this sounds like some harsh self-talk, but these are the voices I have in my head. So after I also had a good weep on the way home, I collected myself and hoped with all my might that as soon as she settled down, she'd hang back and not participate for a little while, but then, maybe, MAYBE start having fun.

Thank goodness that is what happened! In fact, not only did she have a good time, but for the rest of the day I have hardly seen her so excited. She continued to breathlessly exclaim, "I LOVE KINDERGARTEN! IT WAS SO FUN!!"

Awesome! I figured the hardest part was over, but then remembered who my child is. :) It wouldn't be that easy, would it? Well, it was definitely better the next time, and the time after that, then there was a hard morning, then an alright one, then another hard one....etc etc. So it is still often difficult. She refuses to actually walk into the class without me, which I think is a small thing really. I'm happy to come in and help her get her bag off, hug her, and pass her (very deliberately, because she needs it) to her teacher with a "Here's Plava!!". Then she smiles and heads in.

I got a note home a few weeks in saying that she "is having a hard time listening" and that the teacher "had to have a talk about following the rules" and if we could have one too with her please "so she can get her work done". I'm not even going to go into my feelings on getting a note with that tone on the 3rd week of kindergarten about the aforementioned, and described, child above. Needless to say, after a few talks, she cried again going in the next class. Freaked her right out again. Sheesh!!

Anyway, she's had great days since then.

But I guess I'm struggling with more than just how she's coping. I'm struggling with some of my own problems, or thoughts. I guess because I love teaching Plava, and because I did forge a little into the world of homeschooling, and maybe partly because I have been a stay-at-home mom who's somewhat invested myself into this kid, that I feel like I've been kind of given the nod to now step back and just let the school system do the educating. Does that make sense? I sense from the school, or the teacher, or maybe from my own feelings, that there's this, "hand your kid over now, your job is done" mentality about school that makes me....sick? Mad? Feel useless?? I love teaching Plava. I have loved doing reading lessons with her over the past year as she's been starting to learn to read, I have loved figuring out how to encourage her and build her confidence (gently, so gently) just the right way that works with her, and to see her just shoved into a class with a teacher who seems to be too busy to be able to sensitively learn who she is and help that little person grow to the best of her ability....well it feels rotten.

I know this Kindergarten thing is always an adjustment for kids as well as parents, especially stay-at-home parents who feel like their "baby" is leaving the nest, but I didn't expect it to feel much more than...um, sad. Does that make sense? I thought it would be just sad, because I'd miss her. I didn't expect to feel so, so replaced! So talked down to by the school system, as if I'm just a meddling parent rather than the person who knows Plava best, and has worked (AND WORKED) at learning how to parent her in the best possible way for her and I.

I guess I feel angry, and like I've been dismissed. What to do with these feelings?

I also realize that what is in Plava's best interest isn't necessarily her learning from only me, and being homeschooled and all that fun stuff. It's true that she does LOVE the classroom environment (once she becomes comfortable), and that she has fun meeting new friends, and that there's something about the organization of institution ("Mom! We got to LINE UP today!!") that makes her really excited. I just hope for an educational experience for her that is meaningful, helps her to truly mature and grow to the best of her ability, is safe, is inspiring, and that respects the importance of family time. To me, the ideal is NOT full time homeschooling. I don't think I would want to, nor do I think it would be the best thing for Plava. I could do 1/2 time though!!! :)

Anyway, these are some thoughts. I am really not looking for advice or people to tell me she's going to "be fine", so please don't. I know she'll "be fine" but I want her to not just give in to something less that excellent - I'd like her to be EXCELLENT. She already IS excellent! I just hope that school, in whatever form it takes now and in the future, is....(dare I say it?) WORTHY.

Wow. There's a high demand. ;)

in order to avoid the obvious...

2010-09-13T13:00:00.005-07:00

So yeah. Today was Plava's first day of Kindergarten. As you can imagine, if you know me at all, it is a bit of a monumental day. Not only for her of course, but for her mother. She's still there, actually, and since I have only just returned home from the torturous drop-off, I don't think I can quite put into words my current feelings. Not just yet, at least. I think I have to figure them out first. !!

So, to completely avoid the subject, I'll post some pictures of our recent spontaneous kitchen makeover!! And when I say "spontaneous", I truly mean it. We returned home from a good last summer getaway in Merritt last weekend and since it was a long weekend and we had an extra day to hang out before Ryan returned to work, we said, "Hey let's paint the kitchen like we've been talking about for the past year!" And so, the last of the mustard yellow colour that clothed the entire house when we first moved in, and which wasn't horrible, but which we wanted to see changed, is now covered up with a flashy new colour. I picked up the paint from the "oops" bin at Home Depot (meaning someone had the colour mixed and changed their mind), and so it was super cheap!! Now, while I LOVE the colour, over the course of painting, Ryan was starting to wonder whether the "oops" paint might be appropriately named. While it is very bright, I LOVE it!! Woo! We are going to have one bright kitchen throughout the winter, baby!!

Here are some pictures.

This is the kitchen before. Might I add that this yellow was slightly less offensive than the hue that was painted throughout the rest of the living space.

Another "before" picture.

Oooooo Aaaaaah!!! There's the new colour!! Kind of a robin's egg blue.

Another one, along with our tile samples leaning above the sink. This is a step we may keep for some time in the future, since we haven't priced it out at all yet. Just dreaming. :)

Next step: remove cabinets and paint them BRIGHT WHITE to cover up the somewhat artistic but truly not appreciated faux distressed look that were previously done on them.

First coat done, awaiting the second!!

Second coat done and doors rehung!! I have revisited my disdain for hanging cabinet doors, let me tell you.

Next step: bottom cabinets getting the same treatment. Likely to take a few more coats of paint this time....

Hopes for the future: add a window sill, new light fixtures, new backsplash, new wood countertop, new appliances? (Let's not get carried away now.)

summah

2010-08-12T15:15:00.007-07:00

Well it's been a great summer. I realize that summer is still happening. In fact, outside, right now, it's really hot and is supposed to continue being hot for the rest of the week. The reason that I sound so "past-tense" about it, is that I'm geared up for the fall.

Obviously this is a huge fall for us. What? You ask why? But, don't you hang on my every word and have my entire life memorized? No? Shocking... Well, let me tell you that this fall holds three big events for us.

EVENT NUMBER ONE:

Plava is starting Kindergarten. That is HUGE for me, in case you hadn't gathered that. With the onset of most of the local schools changing from half-day to full-day Kindergarten this year, it was looking grim. We, not being interested in sticking her into full days after her only ever experiencing three half-days per week, considered a handful of different options. After debating back and forth and discussing options with a handful of parents we know, we had decided that we'd put her in a program in a nearby school district in which she would be attending school one day a week, have another day as the "school field trip day" and the rest would be done as a home-learner. After being set for that for quite a while, we had a sobering discussion one day about what our year was truly going to look like (with me being on call as a doula) and decided to change the plan. We registered her in the local (gulp) CHRISTIAN school. She, little Plava, is ecstatic that she gets a uniform and gets to go three whole days a week and even already knows one boy that will be in her class. Ryan and I, well, we're rather nervous about the whole thing, to be honest. We're taking it one year at a time man. One year at a time. Heck, I'm going to start by taking it one WEEK at a time. Sheesh!!

EVENT NUMBER TWO:

Pito is starting preschool. Although this is less of a huge deal, being that she is currently SUPER confident walking into that place with her big sister as they attend a daycamp there this week, and that she is generally a much more bold little personality (even though she's about a head shorter than all the rest of the kids! Aaaah, the little November baby will always be one of the youngest!) , it still remains a milestone for all of us. This means that both girls will be in school of some kind this year (UNFORTUNATELY not on the same days! Sheesh!), and that marks a new era for the family. (Hm, better have another one to balance things out! Haha!)

EVENT NUMBER THREE:

I am forging out and starting my Doula business. Yes, in fact, I'm taking clients already. It's very exciting, and I'm thankful that I get to start out attending births of a handful of women I know. But this means being on call. Hence the last-minute decision to NOT homeschool Plava in the fall. Homeschooling for the first time along with being on call sounds hectic. Yes.

SO, there we have it! Fall is on my mind! But I should really remember that there are still some good long weeks of summer left. We've gotten out of town a handful of times already and will be getting away once more before it all begins. To show you a little snapshot of our summer, here are some pictures. Happy last days of summer!!

the girls all ready for their "princess" day at preschool daycamp

closeup of the footwear

the came back with up-do's and ring pops!

ooo la la!

such lovely ladies

the girls greeting Ryan when he got home from work one day

the girls and cousin J playing at the cabin

Pito fell fast asleep on the boat, and Plava insisted on "holding" her

funny goofy girls

raspberry sisters

a little home depot project by Plava

the view in the back of our van - sleeping arrangements: successful!

baths in the bins - becoming a tradition, here with a little friend we were camping with

lunch on the way home from one of our little getaways along the side of a river

busy body!!

2010-08-02T08:26:00.002-07:00

Well haven't I been an absent blogger? YES I have! But for good reason. You see, it's summer. And also, oh yeah. This.

Yup! I'm accepting clients!! This is very exciting.

Anyway, at some point I'll get on here and post some updated pictures of our summer galavanting. Until then, have a great summer yourself!

giggle giggle!!

2010-06-17T20:18:00.002-07:00

Okay, I realize I haven't written a post for some time, and in light of that, one might think that I ought to, and I really should, and I really would, if it weren't for all the busyness surrounding the exciting new venture I've embarked upon (specifically, becoming a doula!), and in light of all the busyness, I offer you a little reading to make you laugh. I've read through it a few times and giggle just as heartily each time. I hope you enjoy it, and I do promise to write a real post soon.

Church Bulletins

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. The following actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services -

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

--- ---

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

--- ---

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

--- ---

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

--- ---

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

--- ---

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

--- ---

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

--- ---

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church . Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare' s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'

--- ---

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

quote from today

2010-05-19T18:06:00.004-07:00

After having read a book about a mouse that was REALLY MAD.

Plava: That was a good book.

Moi: Yeah. Hey, why do you think the mouse was mad in the first place?

Plava, with total casual seriousness: Maybe because he really wanted to watch tv and wasn't allowed.

Hm. A little window into the emotions of my daughter.

quotes

2010-05-12T13:33:00.003-07:00

from today...

Pito: "Mailman have a baby finger too?"

.........................................................................

Plava: "Mom, I love you more than mustard."

Well that's a relief.

d-d-d...what?

2010-05-04T23:27:00.004-07:00

I don't know why it is SO COLD in here. I'm in the office in the basement, putting my work aside for the night, and I'm freeeeeezing!!! It could be because it's the basement, or because I have no socks on, or because I had some ice cream a little while ago, or because I'm sitting staring at a screen for HOUUUUURS tonight. Yes, fun.

Some exciting news though- I have decided (drum roll please....) that I am going to become a DOULA. Yes!! Yippeee!!

Click here if you have no idea what a Doula is.

So yes!! I am so excited, and am actually quite....relieved, to be honest.

I surprised myself actually. I have been thinking about this for some time, but have never actually taken the plunge until now. And you know, I found that once I decided and registered for my first course, suddenly the world was a happier place. Not only did I have something that I was heading towards in life, but it's something that I really feel passionate about (supporting women through the most amazingly powerful and life-changing bodily and emotional experience of their lives!), and it's something that I think I will actually be really good at, if I may be so bold. Why will I be good at it? Because this is the kind of thing that I do. I am a supporter. I'm a calming force in the face of panic and fear. I have always known that about myself. Not only known that, but have felt empowered and energized by the times when I have been in that kind of a role. If there's an emergency and people are panicking, or need support, or need to be calmed, SEND ME IN!!

I guess this Doula thing is more than just a job goal. It's the kind of thing that I imagine will feel like I am doing something that is using my natural gifts. My natural ability to care for people and be a calming, encouraging force.

Oh I could go on and on. I'm just excited!!

Anyway, I am still cold, even though I'm so excited, so I should head to my warm bed and go to sleep (it's way past my bed time!!). Nighty night.

love this.

2010-04-20T23:11:00.001-07:00

FACEBOOK SUICIDE

April 19 – 25 is Digital Detox Week. Here’s some inspiration for your digital cleanse.

In march, at the peak of Facebook popularity, I quit. with four swift clicks of the mouse, I canceled my account. Gone was the entire online persona I had created for myself – profile pictures, interests and activities, work history, friends acquired – all carefully thought out to showcase to the world the very best version of me, all now deleted.

Ironically, the decision to destroy my carefully built-up virtual image came as a result of wanting to enhance my profile. All that particular week I’d been hungry for new quotes on my page, something to reflect the week I’d been having: something introspective. I perused a quotes website and found this one attributed to Aristotle:

“We are what we repeatedly do.”

I became despondent. What, then, was I? If my time was spent changing my profile picture on Facebook, thinking of a clever status update for Facebook, checking my profile again to see if anyone had commented on my page, Is this what I am? A person who re-visits her own thoughts and images for hours each day? And so what do I amount to? An egotist? A voyeur?

Whatever the label, I was unhappy and feeling empty. The amount of time I spent on Facebook had pushed me into an existential crisis. It wasn’t the time-wasting, per se, that bothered me. It was the nature of the obsession – namely self-obsession. Enough was enough. I left Facebook.

In the past, my feelings toward Facebook and similar social networking sites had swung between a genuine sense of connection and community to the uncomfortable awareness that what all of our blogs, online journals and personal profiles really amounted to was serious narcissism. As my feelings of over-exposure continued to mount, the obvious solution would have been to set limits on my Facebook time – yet I still found myself sucked in for longer periods every time I visited. In part, it was the hundreds of little links to and hints about other people’s lives that kept me coming back. But even more addicting were the never-ending possibilities to introduce, enhance and reveal more of myself.

The baby-boomers were at one time thought to be the most self-absorbed generation in American history and carried the label of the Me Generation. In recent years this title has been appropriated, twisted and reassigned to the babies of those same boomers – born in the 80s and 90s – now called Generation Me or the Look at Me Generation. Author Jean Twenge, an Associate Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University and herself a member of Generation Me – spent ten years doing research on this group’s sense of entitlement and self-absorption. She attributed it to the radical individualism that was engendered by baby-boomer parents and educators focused on instilling self-esteem in children beginning in the 1970s. American and Canadian youth were raised on aphorisms such as “express yourself” and “just be yourself.”

To further illustrate her point, Twenge also found a large increase in self-reference words like “I,” “me,” “mine” and “myself” in news stories published in the 80s and 90s. These words replaced collective words such as “we,” “us,” “humanity,” “country” or “crowd” found in the stories of a similar nature in the 50s and 60s. This generation might be the least thoughtful, community-oriented and conscientious one in North American history.

In the end, what does all this online, arms-length self-promotion ultimately provide? Perhaps it’s merely one component of the pursuit to alleviate some of the blackness encountered in the existential vacuum of modern life. As Schopenhauer once projected, modern humans may be doomed to eternally vacillate between distress and boredom. For the vast majority of people experiencing the fragmented, fast-paced modern world of 2008, a Sunday pause at the end of a hectic week may cause them to become all too aware of the lack of content in their lives. So we update our online profiles and tell ourselves that we are reaching out.

And yet, the time we waste on Facebook only makes our search for comfort and community more elusive. Online networking sites are marketed as facilitators of community-orientation but when I think about the millions of people – myself included – who spend large portions of their waking lives feeding off an exchange of thousands of computerized, fragmented images, it doesn’t add up to community-engagement. These images have no meaning beyond “I look pretty from this angle” or “I’m wasted” or “look who my new boyfriend is.” And as we continue to chase even harder – accessing Facebook at work, uploading images from our cell phones – we spend our money on constantly upgraded electronic gadgets marketed to our tendency to self-obsess and present particularly uninteresting and repetitive images of ourselves. There’s got to be more than this.

And so I quit…

After I left Facebook, I wondered what all my friends, family and acquaintances were going to think when they noticed I’d disappeared off the Facebook earth. So some of my Facebook narcissism – am I being noticed, am I being missed – remains. But I’m also asking myself some new questions. How do I find balance between my online life and my “real” life? How much exposure is healthy? How do I act responsibly for myself and engage with those I love? These are still “me” thoughts but they feel different than before. As I sit here, keyboard under palm, eyes on screen, I try to remind myself that my hands and eyes need to venture out into the community and look and touch the truly tangible that lies just beyond that other big screen: my window.

- Carmen Joy King

status

2010-04-12T13:12:00.003-07:00

...just searched the entire playroom until she finally found the new super-cool, but perhaps super-impractical-with-toddler-on-the-loose wireless mouse buried deep in the bottom of a play purse which was filled to the brim with all of the play cutlery and a few other tidbits.

Sheesh.

tweeeet!

2010-04-10T12:30:00.002-07:00

I'm chuckling right now as I'm watching Plava, who is quite into "The Sound of Music" at the moment, trying to use a whistle to order Pito around. Interesting that THAT is what she took from the film...

And as you can imagine, Pito will have none of it and is marching around in her new sparkly gold high-heeled "fancy shoes" and doing just whatever she feels like. :)

quote

2010-04-08T14:43:00.002-07:00

Pito: (as Plava passes her and pinches her, or something like that) NO!!!!

Plava: Sorry Pito. I'm just wild right now.

Pitooooo

2010-04-01T13:18:00.009-07:00

Forgive the haphazard thoughts in this post as they tumble out of my brain. I'm trying to think and write while Elmo squeaks out his high pitched exclamations from the TV beside the computer. Nearly impossible to think.

But I was thinking, actually. I was thinking about Pito. She is number 2. You know that, of course. She is, as so many people who have more than one kid say, so different from her sister. It comes as no surprise to me that she has a completely different character, completely different needs, and a completely different way of interpreting the world than her big sister, Plava. In turn, it is (again, no surprise, but) completely new trying to figure out how to discipline and keep her "in line". Okay, let's just say "teach" her, because that's what it's all about right? Discipline is all part of teaching and rearing and learning children to become well adjusted, mature and wise adults.

So, I've been challenged in the past few months as Pito has marched headfirst into the "2's". I still refuse to call them "terrible", although I'm closer to being okay with that word this time 'round. Haha. Pito has just become a typical 2-year-old monkey. Full of fire and tantrums and rage and frustration over ANY little thing that she's denied. But it's not that that really bothers me. It's the listening thing. Yeah, that.

I remember it well with Plava. There was a point in time when I would ask her to come and follow me, or sit on her chair and eat, or do anything at all, and she simply wouldn't. It was terribly aggravating, and I remembered it immediately when Pito started going through it. The good thing is that at least it's a repeat of something I've been through before - particularly good because I know it will end!! But in the meantime I've been trying to figure out the balance between guiding her gently with patience and getting angry and yelling, resulting in her still not listening very well and my being put into a nasty mood. Hm.

Today, I tried a new tactic.

T.a.l.k.i.n.g. t.o. h.e.r.

I know. It sounds simple. The thing is, with another kid chattering my ear off about everything from the latest song she just made up to some game she played at preschool to rememberthattimewhenwewentto..., it ends up being very hard to take the time to shush big sister and have a moment of up-close communication with Pito.

Today, it went like this:

"Plava, can you hold on for a sec? Pito, it's lunch time. When it's lunch time, and breakfast time, and dinner time, we stay at the table. We don't run around and play. If you're done your food, you can ask to be excused, but if you want to keep eating, you need to stay on your chair. If you get down again, I'm going to take your food away and you won't be able to eat it. Okay?"

And you know what she said?

"Okay."

And you know what she did?

She stayed in her chair for the remaining 15 minutes or so until she was done. WOAH.

Poor 2nd children. I have to say, it's just sucky that (okay, at least in my case) they don't get quite as much concerted attention from the parent. There are good things about that as well of course (over-parenting!), and advantages of having an older sibling ("Pito, we don't stand up in the shopping cart!!" says Plava), but I have found that I really haven't pursued moments with Pito. Those moments are pretty big. And it's now time to change things a little.

She's sleeping now, which is nice, because then I can have a little break to gather myself for ROUND 2. That's right. Round 1 was me not taking much time for her, just getting her to follow along and figure out how things work. ROUND 2 is me taking moments with her to give her that attention, those words, that reassurance that I'm her mom and she can be sure that I love her, but expect her to behave.

Okay, now that that's out, I'll share some pictures of our days recently. Enjoy!!

One of the most delicious accidental meals ever - pesto lasagna with goat cheese, pine nuts, and tomatoes. It was meant to be cannelloni and I missed a few ingredients but it was delish!

The girls LOVED it. Here they are showing us their dirty post-meal faces and Pito's empty plate. EXCELLENT eating, munchkins.

And then it turned into a big-sister-makes-little-sister-laugh moment.

And yes, just after the Olympics finished, the snow fell (okay it was great for the Paralympics!), and my sister and I took the kids up to Seymour Mountain and found ourselves a nice little sledding spot. Plava LOVED it, but Pito DID NOT. Haha.

My sister trying to entertain Pito in the snow. This was one of her better moments. I think she might have been just too small to enjoy the snow.

Cousins in the bushes.

Then it got nice out, so we headed to the beach. Strange season...

They both loved it, and we collected a bunch of rocks to take home for displaying in our livingroom. Very fun, except for how silly I felt walking back to the car with bulging pockets.

Ryan's been trying to give Plava pointers on throwing. Heh, she almost has better form than her mother already. :D Yes, I'm that bad.

Mmmmm ocean.

"P" for Plava? ;) Our little speller had fun in the sand.

I love the beach!! And so did the girls. Planning on getting back there soon!!!

hmmm...

2010-03-31T21:10:00.002-07:00

You know what's fun? To type some simple phrases into Google and see what phrases pop up when it's trying to guess what you're going to type. Here's what I read today:

How long....
...does it take to get a passport
...does it take to get pregnant
...to boil an egg
...to cook a turkey
...does implantation bleeding last
...to cook a turkey per pound
...does sperm live
...is the great wall of china
...is avatar
...to boil eggs

Hmmmm... interesting collection of commonly asked "how long" questions.

status

2010-03-31T16:20:00.003-07:00

...found it surprising that a fellow preschool mom applauded her for being "strict", and found it even more surprising when she was complimented by it. Hm.

I suppose it could be considered strict when I don't allow Plava to inhale the entire Easter basket of chocolate and candy she got from preschool as soon as she got out the door...crazy me!! :)

status

2010-03-26T13:13:00.004-07:00

....is thankful for a great morning with friends and their very lovely children, being fed some seriously delicious soup for lunch, then heading off to preschool and arriving at the perfect time, bidding farewell to Plava as she skipped off to the craft table, and upon leaving having Pito sleepily request a "long drive", during which she fell fast asleep, as she remains now, in her own bed. Bliss.

quote

2010-03-25T12:31:00.004-07:00

Pito: Want a cookie, mummie! Want fee cookies. One, two, feeee.

Moi: What cookies, Pito? We don't have any.

Pito: Fee cookies, mummie. One, two, fee.

Moi: Do you mean the cookies that mummie made before?

Pito: Yah. Fee cookies.

Moi: Those cookies are all gone. We ate them! They went into our tummies and then out in our poop. (She's just learning about the whole digestive thing, okay?)

Pito: Ew. Gross.

(craving gone - poof!)

status

2010-03-25T09:54:00.004-07:00

...is sitting quietly at the coffee house perusing her favourite blogs and sipping a (decaf!) peppermint mocha. Kids are with a friend, work (for now) is done, and this moment is gooooood.

status

2010-03-24T12:31:00.002-07:00

...is wondering how many more times she can get down on her hands and knees to clean up spilled milk/water/pee in the space of 36 hours. The count is up to 6. No more lid-less cups for Pito until sanity returns.

status

2010-03-23T15:08:00.005-07:00

You know, I decided to take a "break" from facebook for Lent. Yes, it's that time, and in my thinking back to the times when I've felt refreshed through Lent, it has been when I've said goodbye to the old computer. This time has been slightly less dramatic, and yet quite dramatic nonetheless!! Facebook, as it seems, took up a lot of time! I know that sounds like I'm stating the best-known fact in the world, but you see, I'm not the "perusing" type. I don't spend hours looking at people's photos, looking up friends to see what they've been doing. I mostly use it as a communication tool. Yes, contact for a busy mom during the day while she normally only talks to a 4 and 2 year old. Now, that's a little too dramatic, the way I just put it. I do talk to people sometimes, but it happens more often than I'd like to admit that I go through a whole day with NO contact with another adult, except perhaps the clerk at the grocery store, and that is usually less than a true person-to-person connection. But, yes. Facebook promises, or so I had been thinking, contact with other human beings perpetually throughout the day! It would be a place to chat, email, connect, find friends, rekindle friendships, feel those good old warm fuzzies!! But did it deliver? I would have to say no. What it did offer was very thrilling MOMENTS when I would log in and find that I had "7 notifications". I would feel like I was being connected with! I would feel like I was communicating with someone!! Even if all those notifications were people commenting on my witty statii or my quirky photos, it somehow was not the same as actually sitting down with a friend and a cup of tea and chatting. Nor was it like calling up a friend and hearing their voice on the other phone, complete with tone of voice, REAL laughter, sighs, and being able to "hear" them smile on the other end. So, facebook, in my life and with my needs, has been a bit of a dissapointment. I have enjoyed the joking banter back and forth, posting photos and writing creative captions, and actually making contact with some old friends (even to the point of getting together with them!), but in terms of a day-to-day connection, it has not met my needs.

I'm not missing it much. I find I have quite a bit more time now that I'm free from it. I admit to checking it BRIEFLY from time to time to see if anyone has sent me anything significant, but apart from a comment or two from friends who I have truly connected with, there has been no action. And that's a-okay with me. I may make this more of a permanent thing in the end. Maybe even for a season.

One thing I do miss though, and only because I have always loved making people laugh, is posting quirky status updates. (DON'T EVEN THINK OF SUGGESTING TWITTER!!) So in light of that, here starteth my blog statii.

Laura is....starting to wonder whether she should peel the wood glue off her fingers before starting to make dinner.

diamond in the rough

2010-03-10T15:33:00.004-08:00

Yes, the diamond in the rough of my busy, crazy, hectic, stressful, ridiculous day which has been jam packed with dropping off and picking up kids from friend's house, prep for church AGM, running around doing photocopying, amassing of files, payroll, bill paying, organizing of to-do lists, stuffing lunch into little mouths, naptime, quiet time implementation, snack prep, snack and milk cleanup off floor, more milk cleanup off floor, pee cleanup off floor, grocery shopping with two wiggly kids, check mailbox for church, rush off as soon as Ryan comes home to finish prep for AGM, attend AGM, all the while beating off a bad headache with ibuprophen.

The diamond was this little comment by 4-year-old Plava over lunch.

"Mom, when I have boobs, I think we should go to Walmart and get me a bra that's striped. I like white with pink stripes."

...and BREATHE.

Quote

2010-03-09T07:24:00.001-08:00

Moi: Hey, Plava! Guess what day it is? It's a preschool day!!!

Plava: Ooooooh no!!!

Moi, shocked: What? Why no? Don't you love preschool?

Plava: Yeah, but I DON'T want to have to roll up my sleeves at snack time and my teachers say I have to.

These are serious issues for a 4 year old.

.......................

Quote from my day

2010-03-04T17:52:00.004-08:00

"Ahhh, that moment made picking up poo with my bare fingers seem not quite so bad."

(...said aloud to myself after Pito and Plava emerged from their room wearing sparkly ballerina/tinkerbell outfits, marching past me chanting "I'm a ballerina! I'm a ballerina!", heading downstairs to take cute pictures of themselves on the computer.)

It's all a balance, isn't it? ;)

THE FEVER!!! (not of the "hay" variety either!)

2010-02-18T13:22:00.009-08:00

Ryan and the girls (and me behind the camera) by an Inukshuk (the olympic logo - beside Pito)

Yeaaaaah the Olympics are on!!! WOOO!! Can you tell I'm excited? Actually, it's not such a shock, considering (a) it's IN MY CITY, and (b) yesterday was the first day that we (as in, the four of us) went downtown to take in the action. AND WHAT ACTION THERE WAS!!!

I mean, going downtown is usually exciting. There are more people than here in the 'burbs (makes it sound like I live in a sparse cow-town or something), there are taller buildings, there's more variety of ethnic background and language, there's more busy-ness. But going in yesterday was amazing!!! I should have prepared myself for the throngs of people, MANY in Canadian garb of varying degrees, and others in various other countries' garb, and the madness that ensued! We twisted and turned our way from the skytrain station to the CAULDRON,

which was on the very top (#1, in fact) spot on my and Plava's list of "what to see". What can I say? I was moved! It was amazing to see a true Olympic cauldron in MY city!! SO exciting! I got a very (VERY) proud picture in front of it.

We then headed up Granville, weaving our way to Robson Street (where this happened a few days ago!) and taking in the street performers, various displays, and general vibrating excitement in the air!! Seriously, I can hardly describe the atmosphere!! "Vibrating with excitement" really does seem appropriate. (At least that's how I was feeling!)

We stopped in at a little italian restaurant for dinner and watched some speed skating on the big screens inside. At one point, Plava, who was quite thrilled with the whole thing, whispered into my ear, "I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE AT THE OLYMPICS WATCHING THE OLYMPICS!".

We didn't stay for hours and hours, but did wander around and hit the cauldron again before heading back on the skytrain (which is, ironically, underground...). :)

I am SO excited that this is all happening in my city! I am so proud and having so much fun seeing such familiar places on TV all the time as the media covers various events! Weeee!!

To end this post, I thought I'd add a picture from this past summer when we visited Whistler. Plava was feeling pretty uncomfortable with people watching her pose, but it will be a good memory for her later!!!

Okay, and this is a really cool video. :)

No More Monkeys!!!

2010-02-12T08:26:00.003-08:00

Laura and the terrible, horrible, no good, rather interesting and, hey, kind of fun day!

2010-02-10T09:45:00.008-08:00

The fog was thick on the road so we could hardly see 5 metres in front of us. Driving along well under the speed limit on the interstate with a van full of strangers and hoping that the driver we chose to put our safety hopes in delivered us to our destination safely, our suitcases and bags jammed into the back of the van as tightly as possible, and the remainder squished between our legs and seats, and conversations about someone's brilliant 7-year old nephew's views on the meaning of life, ghost and alien stories, favourite Disneyland rides, and homeless shelters passed back and forth in the most bizarre three hours of our little getaway to California.

We had opted for the cheapest possible flights when we booked them, accepting the fact that we'd have a 3-hour layover in Seattle (which was a 2.5 hour drive from home) before our 2nd flight took us to our van parked in Bellingham, a short distance from the border back into Canada and home. When our plane landed in Seattle, we were still reminiscing about our favourite rides, the downpour on our first morning, and how excited we were to bring the girls to Disneyland next time we went.

We were tired, and sat, waiting, reading, talking, for the next few hours until it was time to board our final flight. It was a 30 minute trip and we would be home in no more than an hour, if all went well. At 10:50pm, an announcement came on over the speakers saying that there was fog in Bellingham and if it wasn't possible to land, we'd just return to Seattle.

Here we go, we thought. There's something about us and journeys home... Once, we were locked out of our house and slept the night in our garage. Once we came home to an electrical problem with no power and no idea how to turn it on. It seems that some form of unexpected difficulty was inevitable.

We boarded the flight and the voice came over the speaker again announcing this time that the fog wasn't going to be a problem after all. There was a collective sigh of relief from the cabin, and we headed off into the sky.

Once we were in the air over Bellingham, however, the captain came on and said that the fog was indeed going to pose a problem (something to do with needing to land visually - no one in the tower in Bellingham). He then let us know, to everyone's dismay, that we'd be "waiting" for 1/2 an hour to see if the fog lifted.

Yes, that meant circling the city again and again and again. I was thankful to have a good book to keep my mind (and stomach) off the constant turning of the plane. And circle we did!! After the time was up, we gained some altitude and the announcement was made that we'd be heading back to Seattle.

SO, it was about 2am by the time we were back in the terminal being promised that we were all booked on the first flight out the next morning and that Ramada Inn had graciously offered to put us all up for $50 a night. Ummmm, no. So we got a refund and headed to the car rental booths, which about 12 others thought of also.

When we got there, a plan was quickly hashed to rent a van and split the cost. So there were 7 of us total, who all piled into a van and headed off into the foggy night on the interstate.

As tired as I was, it was a really fun thing to do, and I felt myself getting kind of excited to take a little trip with a handful of strangers. There were Ryan and I in the back, with Brianna, a girl who was in college and needed to get up for classes the next morning. There was Rhonna, who was totally sick with a hoarse voice but was probably the most talkative of the bunch, with two long grey braids tied together with jingly-jangly ribbons. There was Aiden, the friendly guy who kept the driver, Pamela, talking the whole time. It was the two of them that started the ghost/alien conversations. And there was Roz, who mostly slept, and I think she was friends with Pamela, the driver. We chatted and heard where everyone had been coming from and where they were all going. Quite a nice bunch of unexpected new friends, actually. At the end of the trip we dropped each person off, one by one, bidding them farewell like old friends, and getting to see where they all lived. We were dropped off last at our van at the airport and headed home.

We arrived at 4:30am and were up and (reluctantly) at it at 6:45. Painful. (AND BY "AT IT", I MEAN "AT THE DAY", sickos.)

On a completely different note, a much earlier one, Disneyland was great!!! Ryan had a conference to go to for the earlier part of the week, and then I headed out on Friday (handing the girls over to Grandma and Grampa) and joined him where we ran like kids around the park for two and a half days. We got lots of pictures with the girls' favourite characters, rode all the rides possible, rode our favourites a few times more, ate as little food as possible (it's always

our goal to not step up and meet the challenge of the quantity of food served in restaurants in the US, not to mention Disneyland food costs about twice as much as elsewhere!!), watched shows and parades enough to tie us over until the next time we go, and came out with some seriously tired and painful legs!

It was a great trip!! We missed the girls a lot - it was the longest we've been away from them - 4 nights - but it was well worth taking the trip just the two of us. The girls had a great time with the grandparents too, which put our minds to rest!!

Here are some pictures and a video.

Us keeners were up at 6am ready for breakfast and getting to the park when it opened (at 7), but were stopped short by a TORRENTIAL downpour. I mean it. Like in the amazon. We ducked into a doorway, not quite knowing what to do, since we were planning on buying those goofy rain slickers at the park, and it was a good few blocks away. In the end, we just ran for it, got soaked, but dried off over the course of the morning, and then it got sunny! This picture is taken from the doorway where we sought cover.

STAR TOURS!! I was excited about this ride - the one where you sit in a room that moves around and it feels like you're on a spaceship in starwars. Let me tell you that I DON'T RECOMMEND IT. I felt really sick afterwards and felt nothing but scorn every time we passed it in the next few days.

Getting excited about "It's a Small World"!! What is it about watching a bunch of cute multi-cultural dolls sing and dance that makes you feel so warm and fuzzy on the inside??

Trying (rather unsuccessfully) to capture some of the warm and fuzzy dolls.

Toontown!! When I was 10, the last time I was at DL, it wasn't finished being built. I was quite excited!

Requested by Plava, a picture with Minnie. :)

...and a picture for Pito with Pooh Bear.

Myself enjoying one of my all-time favourite treats - caramel apple. Note the hazy look in my eyes. It was a combination of elation and shock at spending an entire $6 on the thing.

Aaaaah, the castle.

...and to show you an example of the glee....

she's still out there...

2010-01-30T00:09:00.009-08:00

Yes, that's right, that dangerous animal, Pito "Slugger" Koch is still on the loose.

She was recently spotted pulling hundreds of fresh, clean baby wipes out of their package and laying them all over her bedroom floor.

Another witness claims she saw the suspect covered in mascara at her parents' friends' house.

Later that same evening, there were reports that little Slugger smeared vaseline all over her face and hair while her parents thought her quietness was the noiselessness of deep sleep.

The next day she is said to have been picking through the garbage, finding items like old toothpaste bottles, and sucking them dry.

And just yesterday, a witness reported having seen Slugger sitting in her kitchen, the fridge door still open, with a plate of baby carrots, which she had wildly drizzled in soy sauce. According to the witnesses account, she emerged from her "snacktime" and announced to her very weak and stomach-flu-ridden mother, "Like it!! Like it, mama!!" Much to her mother's dismay, she was too weak-stomached to get up off the couch and take away the nasty treat.

If anyone knows of Pito "Slugger" Koch's whereabouts, please contact the police immediately. She is a wild child on the loose, and no one knows what she'll get into next...

a fool in school

2010-01-18T22:14:00.002-08:00

I feel like I deal with some fairly strong feelings on one subject in my life. SCHOOL.

In elementary school, I loved school. I loved doing well, and excelled. I remember loving my teachers, loving hanging out with my friends, loving being in class, loving playing at lunch time, loving competing with a few of my friends to see who could get the perfect score on math tests... It was a good time.

In grade 6 (when I was 11), I changed schools so that I could enter the French Immersion program. It's fairly self-explanatory - they immerse you in French. The teacher taught all subjects (except English!) in French, and thus, the class learned very quickly how to manage, then squawk out words, then (after a surprisingly short time) speak fairly comfortably. I loved it. I LOVED it!! But this is when my academic performance started sliding a little. It could be because of the French, or it could be because of the fact that we were getting a little older and the curriculum was getting harder. Either way, that feeling of not being quite as good as the rest started humming deep in my ear.

When I started highschool, I was 13. That's right, a very social 13 year old. At my first report card, I got nearly straight "N's" (needs improvement) and by the end of the year, I barely passed my academic classes. (I excelled in the arts and PE though!!) That was a good wake-up call. I worked harder in grade 9, but to little avail. I rested in the C to C- range in academics (still excelling in the arts though). Grade 10 was the year I worked my buns off. I mean it. I was going to get those grades up and out of the ditch! By the end of the year, I think I had brought about 2/3 of my academics up to C's. I felt defeated. I felt stupid. I felt like there was something crucial I was missing out on, and I couldn't put my foot on it. I was SO sick of being told by teachers that if only I would try a little harder, I'd really do well.

In grade 11, my family moved and I changed schools. It was a good change, from a huge school to a smaller one. I continued to work hard, and managed to do alright. Because of my failings in the academics (mostly sciences and math), I took as few as possible, and the ones I did take I got C+'s in. I excelled in art, photography, a variety of music courses, and the languages. I got A's in those. I mean it - I did really well. But, because of the emphasis on the academic subjects, I always felt like I was second rate. I was not good enough. Something was missing. I ended up dropping out of Biology 12 after the first semester when I was barely scraping a D.

I still don't know why I couldn't pass. I certainly found the content of the classes interesting! I loved learning about it, but something about the way things were evaluated, or the way I was expressing what I was learning was not being heard.

I took a small handful of college courses before Ryan and I got married. I didn't do too badly, but still struggled to really do WELL. I also really struggled with being evaluated. I felt a combination of shame and anger. How dare they try and give me a grade!? They have no idea how much I've learned and how much time and work has been put in!! The reaction is almost funny, but not the feelings.

And now, as an adult, I still struggle with feeling adequate. Sometimes I feel just plain dumb, although I know I'm not. I'm actually pretty dang smart, people!! :)

And now I'm up against the beginning of my first child's education. This coming September is when she's supposed to start Kindergarten. I have so many feelings. So many. I try so hard to keep my own biases out of the equation, but it's hardly possible!! I don't want her to be made to feel like she doesn't measure up! Who are they to make someone feel that way? Who are they to make MY child feel that way!?

I know that Plava is not me. She is a different person, and heck, maybe she'll totally be an academic. Whether she is or isn't isn't important to me in the least. What I hope for above all is that she loves learning, cares for others, and is content with who she is.

In my thinking about Plava's schooling, I have thought through many different options. There are, after all, many available, and don't I want what's best for Plava? Why yes, I do. I want to have her in a school where she thrives and learns and develops to the best of her potential.

As it so happens, this year is the first year that Kindergarten is a full-day deal. It used to be half days, which sounded like a really nice transition for both Plava and I. But now the school system is insisting that children like Plava go from three short afternoon classes of preschool straight into five full days of school. Woah dudes. Woah. I am NOT okay with that. It has kind of forced us to do some much needed thinking about what is important to us in our children's education. There is one school about a 20 minute drive away that is still offering half day kindergarten, but it's a French Immersion program, and we hadn't wanted to put her in that so young. There's our local school which is a stone's throw away but is only offering full-day classes. There's a program about 15 minutes away that is a hybrid between school and home-learning, where the kids go one day a week for classes and do the rest at home.

In short, we have some decisions to make. We're trying to keep an open mind and explore all the options, but we just don't know yet. We'll be taking a tour of the hybrid program's school this week, so that might help us have a clearer idea of whether it's something for us and Plava. This isn't easy, this schooling thing!!

All of this thinking brings me right back to my days in school. I recently came across my old high school report cards and while reading through the comments, had a hard time not crying. I can't believe how deep those old feelings go. Sometimes people tell me that they don't know how I can "do everything". I can sew, paint, cook, play guitar, piano, mandolin, sing, write music, do a DANG good job at mothering (haha)....the list goes on (and on, and on...tee hee). It's ironic, isn't it? I should feel proud of my accomplishments rather than holding on to this feeling of inadequacy and failure. Why would I think that some level of education, or some great academic accomplishment would make me a better person?

It can't! I'm a-okay! I am more than a-okay! I'm ME.

(...but perhaps a little counseling would help - yikes!)

keepin' it real

2010-01-14T21:01:00.004-08:00

I feel like I've been spoon fed a good deal of healthy perspective. Sometimes, a whiner just needs a swift kick in the nards, you know? That's me.

But without the nards.

Today, a friend of mine was in the hospital undergoing a pretty big surgery. He has been diagnosed with melanoma. I hurt for him and his wife.

Last week, Ryan started a new job at Union Gospel Mission, an organization that helps people on the downtown east side (of Vancouver) who are struggling with a variety of problems including hunger, life on the streets, addictions.

This past six months have been really hard for me. The coffee house that Ryan and I have been involved in opening has been really stressful. I've held back from writing much about the struggles, partly to protect those who I care about who are involved in it, partly to be wise and not vent out into the open air.

In my stress I started having health issues, specifically feeling faint quite often. After many visits to doctors, and a variety of tests, the conclusion that was come to was that I have low blood pressure, and that because of the stress I was under, I was having fairly dramatic episodes in which my body was struggling to keep me conscious.

A month and a half ago, on a weekend night, our friend came to our house to let us know he was resigning his job as pastor of our church. As much as it wasn't a total surprise, knowing how he had struggled with the role over the past many years, it was still hard to hear. We would not only be losing a leader within our community, but I'd be losing a boss/co-worker/support person, and friend. I felt pretty alone for a while, and not quite sure how to proceed, knowing that now the complete administration/bookkeeping of the church, as well as the music leadership would be on my shoulders, and mine alone.

On that same weekend, our friend told us he had cancer. I felt like a wave had hit me and knocked me down. It took about a week to come out of the fog of sadness and disbelief.

Things have changed since then. I've come through a lot of different emotions ranging from excited about the future to feeling abandoned to feeling angry and snapping at people who simply asked me how I was doing. I've wanted to escape to Italy, quit my job(s) and live as a recluse, run screaming through the streets, and punch everyone in sight.

Sometimes life is HARD.

Today, Ryan ate lunch with someone who is trying really hard to stay clean - trying really hard every single day to do one simple thing.

Today, my friend's body was cut with a scalpel, and doctors worked to remove cancer from his life.

Sometimes, life is hard. I happen to believe that there's a God, and he is good. In all the hard parts of life, I believe that he stands with us, holds our hand, and breathes those deep breaths with us.

Through this time I've been learning a lot about perspective. Life is a gift, and health is a gift, and work is a gift, and living in a house with food and clothing is a gift. There are too many things to be thankful for to complain anymore. There are too many good things, too much blessing, too much joy, for me to dwell on the stress and negativity that I feel gnawing at me. And above all, there is this God that I know, who hangs out with me and whispers these things into my ear. Isn't that good? Isn't he good? I only hope those who I know and love know that whispering voice too, and know the peace that comes with it.

mmmm...yes.

2010-01-13T21:16:00.003-08:00

the best and worst of 2009

2010-01-05T20:16:00.003-08:00

scoring an awesome family vacation in Palm Springs for a fraction of the price thanks to a conference Ryan went to while we were there.

Ryan's most un-fun birthday EVER, on said vacation, largely due to overtired and unreasonable children. (see photo of Plava showing us with her body just how NOT into the minigolf game she was. this was after about 3 previous screaming tantrums while Pito just kept grabbing our putters and making a run for it.

my big 3-0 birthday

a super-fun getaway to the Great Wolf Lodge with the Koch family.

being involved in the opening of a super-cool coffee house in White Rock.

getting really healthy, then letting it go.

taking on a third job (for said coffee house), and I include the full-time stay-at-home-but-mostly-actually-be-not-at-home job of MOTHER as one of those three jobs.

discovering I have limits.

discovering that I have a low blood pressure problem that is exasperated by stress.

discovering how absolutely NOT fun it is to have to relieve oneself on the side of the road due to a very low blood pressure attack, right in front of the super unique and cool van that everyone wants to slow down and look at as they pass.

feeling like I had no assurance of staying conscious throughout many weeks and trying to figure out what on earth was wrong with me.

resigning from that third job.

discovering HOW WONDERFUL a naturopathic doctor can be.

learning that I have a hard time saying no, or not jumping in when there's work to be done.

discovering that which I always dreaded: those extra long hairs north of my mouth and south of my nose. BRING ON THE WAX.

speaking of wax, having my first bikini one!!

rediscovering how much I love my husband.

discovering the joy of being with my little family, and the release that they bring to my anxious brain.

It's been a year of ups and downs, and has certainly been a wild ride the WHOLE time. I'm looking forward to what 2010 brings. May it be rich with love and peace and challenge that makes me stronger.

the festivities

2010-01-02T13:05:00.006-08:00

Well it's now 2010. A new decade! The Olympics will be a big event this year in our neck of the woods. So will a little trip Ryan and I are planning on taking down to DISNEYLAND in February. Yes, just Ryan and I. Heh heh. Cruel? I think not. The girls will enjoy it so much more a few years down the road...

As for the past week and a half, we have enjoyed Christmas with family and New Years with friends, and it has been lovely. The Christmas celebrations with family were simple and really nice. The kids enjoyed themselves and had fun playing with cousins. We had our own little Christmas morning family time at home, and gave the girls a few presents each.

The big surprise was downstairs and while Ryan went down, the girls both sat on the couch waiting.

discussion

2009-12-31T15:21:00.003-08:00

So, it has been getting harder and harder to convince Plava that she NEEDS to have a "quiet time" in the afternoon. This is a time when she hangs out in the playroom downstairs by herself for an hour or so to wind down, have some solo brain time, have a rest, whatever. I, then, have the chance to unwind and recharge for the second half of the day, or get things done that are impossible to do with kidlets milling about. It's a good thing, but always argued.

Recently I've been trying to do a pre-lunch quiet time pep talk with her. Today, this is how it went.

Moi: So Plava, today after we finish lunch, it's going to be... (I jokingly point in her direction)

Plava: QUIET TIME!!!! (with a big smile)

Moi: ...and I'd like for you to hang out downstairs nicely and read, or play, or sing, or dance, or do whatever you like, but it's important that you don't complain. Got it?

Plava: Yes, okay.

Moments pass...

Plava: Mom, if I was a mom, I would tell my kid that she could watch TV in her quiet time.

Moi: Oh....but what if you were worried that she was watching too much TV?? Then what would you do?

Plava: Um....I would tell her that she could watch ONLY one show. Then she'd be done.

Moi: Hmmm....but what if your kid complained and whined after the TV was turned off, and screamed, "BUT I WANT TO WATCH MORRRRRRE!"...?

Plava: (thinking hard).........I would tell her to go ask the Dad.

I then burst out in a fit of laughter and wondered whether perhaps I was defaulting to Ryan a little too much lately!!!

After I calmed down, Plava added, "I don't know WHAT I would do!". And in some small way, I felt a little bit of satisfaction, because there was no good answer, even in little Plava's brain. Sigh. Parenting is a wild ride, and I'm SO ON BOARD!!! WOO!!

Pito's smile

2009-12-17T19:05:00.003-08:00

So, whenever I ask Pito to smile for a picture, she pulls this goofy closed-eye face. I was trying to show her what a smile looks like the other day, and trying to capture one in a picture. Here are the attempts.

So this last one was the closest. I'll be working on that. Haha. Silly Pito.

this freaks me out, but the girls like it!

2009-12-02T11:25:00.001-08:00

spoke too soon

2009-12-01T08:00:00.003-08:00

before the end of her birthday yesterday...

the baby turns 2

2009-11-30T13:26:00.007-08:00

Today is Pito's birthday!! I can hardly believe it, but she's actually reached her 2nd birthday. Part of my disbelief is the usual sentiment, "how did that happen so fast?", and the other part is, "how did she manage to make it through her second year so smoothly?". This is the child without fear, after all. Determined to do exactly what she wants exactly how she wants.

Yes, she is rather headstrong. I must admit that I find it hilarious and totally satisfying to see how powerful her little will is. It helps that she has quite a sense of humour too, to smooth out the tension.

So, she's two! We had a nice little gathering in her honour yesterday night. Family and a few friends came and had dinner, gave gifts, and enjoyed a big heart-shaped polka-dotted cake, made by Pito's not-so-talented-in-the-baking-arena-but-has-great-aspirations mother. I think the cake was rather tasty.

Here are some pictures of the event.

Pito and her friend, R, watch for the next guests.

The kids with their dinner.

The little birthday lady herself, covered in Grandma's yummy chili.

Opening presents - she managed to squeak out a "tank-tyou" after every present.

Although she's quite happy to have a good measure of attention on herself, the cake moment was a little much for her. All the kids helped to blow them out (with a surprising lack of flying spit!!)

day off

2009-11-23T16:06:00.002-08:00

It was my day off!! Ryan had taken the girls with him to work first thing in the morning, and they were going to be picked up by his mom and loved up for the whole day, then he'd go and have dinner with them and bring them back around their bedtime. That meant I had ALL DAY to myself!!

In preparation, I had booked myself a haircut which was highly overdue, and an indulgent pedicure at a ritzy spa where I had some cash left on a gift card. Woo!! Free!!

So, the morning consisted of lazing around, checking facebook and email, drinking tea, having a bath (unheard of!!), shaving my legs (even more unheard of!!), and totally loving every minute of it. Then I put on my flip flops and headed out into the pouring rain to my pedicure. I'd say that the flip flops in the pouring rain was the first of three unpleasantries of my day, which were far outweighed by the thousands of pleasantries, by the way. Yes, sloshing around through puddles with naked toes was rather...squishy and cold!! But then into the warm indulgent spa I headed, where I was greeted and sitted down and given a nice cup of steamy green tea.

Spas are an interesting thing, let me tell you. I mean, I have appreciated every visit I've had to this particular one because I LOVE LOVE LOVE massages, and because it's always on a day when, like this particular day, I am free of my usual motherly responsibilities, and that's usually the highlight of my visit, to be honest. But there's something about the spa thing that kind of freaks me out as well. This "I deserve this" attitude that lingers in the halls, the indulgent sighs and the snotty expectation of being treated like royalty that some clients bring with them is almost enough to make me puke. It's a bizarre world. That said, I was really looking forward to this pedicure!

Now, the last time I had come in was for a wax. Yes, a wax. My first ever. A bikini one. Eeeep!! It was an experience, let me tell you, and I'm not so sure that I would really pay to have that done again, but at least I tried it, right? So, I was looking forward to something different this time.

When the girl came out into the waiting area she greeted me kindly and led me to the pedicure area where I sat on cushions, got a warm weighty thing around my neck, and stuck my feet into some nice, hot, aromatic water. Then the girl looked at me and said, "It's nice to see you again! I remember you from last time when you came in and got a wax."

Then I realized that yes, this was the girl who waxed me. And then I thought, "You remember me?" And my mind started flipping through all the reasons that a bikini waxer might remember a particular client.... I think I won't elabourate. Suffice it to say that I had a hard time not laughing my head off for a few minutes while we got the pedicure started! Hey, I'm glad that I'm memorable!! :D

That was my second unpleasantry, and to be honest, it was more hilarious than anything, but rather odd as well...

The third was rather disturbing actually. And no, it wasn't how much skin she sanded off the bottom of my heels. It was my witnessing of a really shocking parent vs child moment in the spa. A mother brought her 5 year old son in to get his hair cut (why you'd pay to have it done at a ritzy spa is beyond me!) and he was terrified and refused to sit in the chair. The tactics that were displayed!! MY GOODNESS!! From threats such as "we're not leaving until you get your hair cut" to "do you want some consequences?" to "you're not having your friend over!" to "sit here and think about it, then come and get your hair cut" to "I'm going to be really mad if you don't do this" to "do you want some MEAN consequences?". My goodness. The poor kid was just so scared. I admit that it struck a particularly strong note in my because he was so similar to Plava in how he was reacting to the situation. It almost hurt to watch and I just wanted the mother to realize that it's just a haircut!! He's only 5!! Just cut it yourself for pete's sake!! It doesn't have to be perfect!! Spare the trauma!! Spare the shaming!! But she didn't. She knew she couldn't force him, so after nothing worked, she got his coat, threw it at him, told him to GET IT ON, and threatened that she'd be going across the street and getting into the car and if he didn't come he'd have to cross the street himself. ACK.

Yes, that was number 3.

Once that was over, I headed home for lunch, or brunch, because in my relaxing morning I had forgotten to eat!! :) Then I wisked off to my hairdresser's salon and got my hair chopped off again. Aaaah, yes. When I got home, I relaxed some more! Then I made a dinner for myself and ate, and wondered what the girls and Ryan were having for dinner, and then relaxed some more, and then they came home. It was so nice to see them, and then they were asleep in their beds.

What a day!! Lovely!! So good to have days like that every now and then! I feel very rested, and have some nice purple toenails to show for it. :)

desperate housewife

2009-11-19T08:00:00.005-08:00

I was vaccumming the other day and had an epiphany. There I was, cleaning the house and trying to make sure it was tidy by the time Ryan came home from work, trying to make a really delicious dinner and have it ready at the right time, trying to make sure the kids were dressed and clean, and that all the things they were getting into would be cleaned up and taken care of before we heard the car in the driveway, when suddenly I stopped.

Shit. I am a housewife.

WOAH. DUDE.

Okay, so maybe that term is a little passe, or maybe it's true, but it was certainly almost funny. What was funnier was that that realization led me to be able to more easily analyze my feelings towards a certain upcoming event in my life.

The four sisters art show. (cue scary music)

So my sister, Anna, came up with this idea of an art show exhibiting the four of us sisters' art. The others got all excited about it and I, well I thought "what could I put in"? It was just that as it was a "small scale" show, meaning all smallish things, I didn't really have much. Most of my paintings are pretty big. I could think of one small painting that I sold to my parents, but that was it. Then the idea of slings came up, but no, and then, POOF. My quilts. I had made a buttload of them last year and hadn't really pursued selling them at all. They were just sitting in boxes downstairs in a closet. Perfect!!

Then I thought it through again, and that's when the sinking feeling set in, that I only just recognized in my moment of epiphany the other day.

Let me explain. At this lovely art show, there would be art from the magnificent Michal, who is highly educated, has studied and painted in Florence, London, Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, and is now in the UK and unable to attend. La-de-da!! There would be art from the lovely Anna who is also a recording artist and dancer. Ooo-la-la!! There would be funky neuvo art from the cool city-dwelling Teresa, tiny creations displayed in shadowbox frames, looking crisp and perfect. Shoo-be-doo!! And then there would be me. The suburban housewife. With her quilts.

Terrific.

So, when I realized and recognized what exactly these bah-humbug feelings were, it was a real relief!! I voiced them to Ryan the day before the show, and WOW! It really made me feel better! We laughed our heads off and then I was released. Aaaaah. Sometimes just recognizing and voicing these ridiculous worries is all that's needed!!

The show was last night. Actually, it was the opening last night. The show will be on until the 29th. Which means if you want to go see the super artistic, really creative and very hip quilts on display, you can! (Oh, and you can also see the beautiful art of my lovely sisters too. ) The opening was really fun. It was a good time of chatting with people I knew, people I knew only a little, people I recognized vaguely, and people I had never seen in my life. I even ran into an old highschool friend who I hadn't seen since Grade 10! (Eep! That's 14 years ago!!!)

A big thanks to Ehren (old childhood playmate and owner of the gallery) and Anna (for setting the whole place up) and Teresa (who laughed with me about my housewifedom) and everyone who lovingly protested, "but quilts ARE art!!". Love y'all.

worlds apart

2009-11-09T13:07:00.002-08:00

I came into the kitchen today, after having been rifling through boxes yet unpacked, throwing things away, and generally organizing things that haven't been organized since our move in June, and came face to face with our block of cheddar cheese, looking rather crumbled and un-cube-ish in shape, whimpering under the domineering face of Pito, who was standing on a chair at the table with a big spoon in her hand.

Pito has learned how to open the fridge. This is a mild crisis. Not only do I need to keep my eagle eye on her when she nears the bathroom drawers with all its very baby-unfriendly contents (we keep the door closed now), or when she approaches the pantry-ish cupboard in the kitchen where crackers and boxes of pasta and flour are kept (yes, just imagine the fun messes I've cleaned up!), but I now need to keep her out of the fridge as well!!

I know that there are fridge locks, and cupboard locks, and bathroom drawer locks, but my reasons for not getting them are (a) procrastination and hoping the phase will pass, (b) getting my butt in gear and actually going out to buy them, and then install them, and (c) my utter disdain for the "babyproofed house", and my adamant opinion that babyproofing only delays the learning of "you don't open that drawer". I may be wrong on that issue, but I can't seem to shake the opinion.

As soon as I came in and found her with the cheese thus, she looked right at me and said, "back!! BACK!!" and started putting the cheese back in its bag and heading for the fridge. Hm. She's smart. It's not that she doesn't understand that it's a no-no, it's that she's DANG DETERMINED to do what she wants to. As soon as it was back in the fridge, I knelt down and explained calmly that she is not to open the fridge by herself, that she needs to ask, and at that she said, "Okay Mummie", as she always does, and wandered off. And, as she always does, she did it again 1/2 an hour later, but was smart enough not to be hangin' around with the cheese when I wandered into the kitchen that time. The cheese stood alone.

Pito is hilarious. Seriously. Hilarious. We went out for dinner last night with Grandma and Grandpa, Auntie Carmen, and neices C and J, and she was being such a turkey! She was coyishly sneaking the sour cream cup from the table in front of me and licking it with a sneaky smile on her face, and pouring orange juice all over herself, and dropping crayons, and eating crayons, and saying "Done!!", all before the food arrived. After the meal, she got a cookie, and by this time she had been released from her highchair and decided that she'd just march around and around the table eating her cookie, bobbing her head with every oversized step. It had a few other customers laughing, which is always good!! I'll take that over the type who just get mad.

It's crazy, this life with Pito. She has taught me a lot about letting go of unimportant rules and ideas about how tightly I need to parent. Whereas with Plava I insisted she didn't touch my guitar, Pito gets to touch it all she wants, but I need to have the pic, because it's my ONLY ONE. :)

Seriously though, it's so much nicer the second time around! I find myself able to laugh so much more. The toddler tantrums are almost funny, although I feel bad for her frustration. There's just so much more room for relaxing now that I've gone through these phases before.

Strangely enough, I still struggle with relaxing about Plava and her newest phases, but I'm even learning to let that go too, and just try to do my best. She is growing and changing by leaps and bounds, as is her little sister, and it's SO fun to be a part of their childhood!

all the fun of fall

2009-11-03T20:24:00.006-08:00

This fall, we had a lot of fun, us Koch's.

I hit the jackpot at Value Village and got these awesome snow pants for the girls for $3 a piece!! Unreal!!!

We made pancakes and both girls helped for the first time. They were very excited - especially Pito.

We've been seeing Pito do this for extended periods of time. YAY!! She's discovered books!!

She has also discovered the driver's seat.

We went to the pumpkin patch and got a hayride, but unfortunately our camera's battery died so this is all you get to see of that day.

But you do get to see the pumpkins we got, all carved up!

I discovered this fall that squirrels really love digging holes and burying their treasures. A newly seeded yard apparently is like a gold mine to them.

My girls make me laugh, as does this picture of Pito being goofy.

I quite like the colours of fall (behind me!!).

And the colours of our halloween wigs!

Halloween night was fun!! Plava was a princess (seen here without her "itchy" crown), and Pito was Cindy Lou Who from Dr. Seuss's How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

The Loot!! Woo hoo!!!

they call me TROUBLE

2009-10-22T14:16:00.002-07:00

Yeah, that's me. Trouble. As my momma writes this, I'm awake at naptime, running around my bedroom, getting into trouble, and I've been at it for over an hour. I like to pretend that I'm going to actually go to sleep when my mom comes in and tells me it's nap time. Yeah, I get all "cozy" in bed and under the covers, and I obediently say "okay" when she tells me that I am not supposed to get out of my bed, but I know that as soon as she closes that door on her way out, that I'll be getting up and out right away. I love tearing up my big sister's sticker books. I also love getting into the laundry piles and trying on clothes. I don't even care if it's the dirty laundry pile. That's how CRAZY I am! Sometimes I go and knock at the door until my mom comes in again. Then I just smile and pretend it's a big joke. It's so hilarious. My big sister is such a sap. She's actually sleeping downstairs in the playroom right now. SLEEPING IN THE PLAYROOM! Bah! If I were her, I'd be living it up! Toys everywhere, man!

Aaaah, this is the life. Causin' trouble. Yeah.

a-dor-a-ble

2009-10-19T20:56:00.001-07:00

Today, again, Plava did marvelously being left at preschool. She didn't flinch, walked right over to the craft table and sat down beside her lovely teacher. I whispered to Pito that she could go and say goodbye to Plava, and so she waddled over and they gave each other a little hug, and then I had my turn, and we left.

When we came back to pick her up some hours later, we were gathering her bag and things up, and one of the littler girls, a three year old (all of which are surprisingly smaller than the 4 year olds...go figure!), rushed up to Plava before her dad ushered her out the door and said, "Bye Plava! I love you so much!!" and off she went.

Oh, I could have melted. It was really sweet!

Plava, on the other hand, was in a daze of some sort, watching something else, and completely missed it. Haha. I told her about it on the way home. :)

Fall, thus far.

2009-10-15T15:17:00.004-07:00

Fall has been.... well, wonderful!! Every fall it seems I write a post about how FESTIVE I feel and how I want to DECORATE with leaves and branches and berries and all sorts of things. I write about how much I adore the smell of PUMPKIN, and how I just feel like nesting!! This fall has been no different. I love it. And it has been such a nice fall so far! So sunny and crisp and cold outside and warm inside and LOVELY!! Dried, coloured leaves litter our driveway and blow in the gusts of wind, and the sun is sharp and bright. You know how the sun seems sharper and brighter in the fall? Is that just me? Anyway, for the first time EVER, I cooked a turkey and hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our place for Ryan's family. It was great! Here are some pictures. (By the way, I have to give all the decorating credit to Ryan, who slaved away on the table settings while I worked on the meal. ) :)

And here are some other pictures of our little family.

She honestly does this on her own, just to be funny. What a clown.

I don't know what drove her to sit naked on the bed, reading a book in those crazy glasses, but it made us laugh!!

Look what I made!! (The skirt!!)

Plava brought this home from preschool. It was a craft. I thought it was hilarious. Gobble gobble.

Ryan and I took Plava to the White Spot drive-in on our way to see....

THE WIGGLES!! It was a super fun evening. :)

Anyway, that's it for now. Happy fall, everyone!!

well ding dang dong!!

2009-10-15T14:34:00.003-07:00

Whadda ya know?? I've been surprised again! Our little Plava has done it. I mean it. She has surprised me and left me dumbfounded once again. And I am SO PROUD.

I took her to her ballet class today. It was class number 4. I didn't know what to expect exactly. You see, our little timid thing has always had a hard time with organized classes and things like that.

The first class, she absolutely refused to participate. Waaay too much to ask on the first day, and I should have known that her constant chatter and excitement about being a ballerina wouldn't carry her through.

The second class was much the same. She clung to me and we watched the class together, her all decked out in a pink leotard, tights, tutu and ballet slippers.

On the day of the third class, I took a new approach. Rather than continually asking her to join the class, trying to coerce her into "having fun" and dancing around, I simply told her that I would NOT be forcing her to dance. (She thanked me...yeesh!) I told her that her and I both know that she can be brave if she wants to be, and that it would be up to her to choose to do so. That was the end of the story. I wouldn't push or pressure.

When we got there, she was scared and shy, but the she actually came out onto the floor with me during one part of the class. She didn't participate, mind you, but she was present. She was there, and that was enough to make her SO proud of herself! After the class she was all, "I can't wait till next week!" and "I love my ballet class!" and "I was SO BRAVE!!". I was proud of her. She had made progress, and what do you know.....it had been because she herself had decided to do it.

Today was the fourth class and as she got into her leotard and tights, she expressed nerves again. She didn't want to go, and even after I reminded her of how much fun she had last week, she still remained hesitant. So, I reminded her of the same thing as last week. No pressure from me - it was all up to her to choose to be brave. She reluctantly, albeit peacefully, agreed to go, and we got into the van and drove there.

When we arrived, we were the first ones there, and I saw immediately that she was kind of excited. She put on her ballet slippers and kind of wiggled around me, eyeing the kids as they came in. There weren't many today - probably a handful were sick with colds and whatnot - and it seemed that the few that were there were a little out of sorts and not their usual bold selves. Perhaps that helped Plava... I don't know.

The class started, the teacher called the girls over, and Plava looked up at me with a big smile and took my hand. She was going to do it. I could hardly believe it, but she did the WHOLE class. She wasn't just present, but followed instructions and did the moves!! She went to the barre (her favourite part, she told me) and pointed her toes, and did plies, and marched around the room with pom poms, and floated around with butterfly wings on, and did a miriad of other little ballet class things.

I, of course, also did it right alongside her (what a joy to be the only mom dancing in the 4 year old dance class!! haha!!), with Pito right on our heels, quite entertained by the whole thing.

By the end, Plava didn't want it to end. She got a little prize (as did they all) of a pretty pink necklace, and is now so excited for next week.

What a good day!! I'm so proud. Aaaah, these little things do so much for my nerves. Haha.

At lunch, she asked if she could start going to Kindergarten next week. AAACK!

Thanksgiver

2009-10-12T20:03:00.002-07:00

Yep, I'm a thanksgiver. Why? Because (Canadian) Thanksgiving has just come and is almost gone!! It's Monday night, and tomorrow starts the grind again. Hah - I can hardly call my life a grind. I don't get up early, shower and wolf down breakfast and then join the thousands in my commute to work where I stay all day and then join the thousands in the commute back home for dinner and an evening of watching TV.

No, I'd call my life more of a wild goose chase. I chase little naked Pito around with a diaper, trying in any way to coerce her into willingly getting it on. I chase little Plava with clothes and toothbrush and reminders to flush and requests to pick up the books she's just left on the floor. I chase the cat back into the house, and the girls out the door to be ontime for whatever we have going on for the day, and I chase us all back into the house for naps, lesson time, quiet time, cleaning time, dinner prep time, snack time, dance party time, and "daddy's-home!" time.

It's a lot of chasing, but you know, I kinda like it. It's wild. It's busy. But I really keep on my toes. If I don't, I'll be cleaning up pee off the floor. :)

Other things I'm thankful for? Well I thought you'd never ask!

Ryan, my very good husband.
My two little turkeys (of course!)
Plava's new preschool, and her very wonderful teachers.
Pito's personality and humour, and how darn feisty she is!!
My ability to laugh in the midst of chaos (most of the time).
The Church at Southpoint - seriously great group of seriously wacked out people.
Small Ritual Coffee Society- with all the stress that's been involved in opening and running the place, I remain thankful.
My family, Ryan's family, and the fact that we live close enough to remain close.
Good friends
My piano and guitar. Seriously couldn't survive as well without them.
Our new house, neighbourhood and community.
That Ryan and I and the girls are healthy, relatively speaking. :)

Good things. Yes.

pictures of this summer

2009-10-05T14:20:00.005-07:00

It's been a long summer, and I've hardly posted any pictures!!

At Lynn Canyon - Pito posing in the pool. :)

Plava posing on the rock.

Playing with playdough. It would appear that Pito was also eating it.

Me and my little monkey goofing around.

My view from the kitchen window.

Pito, after her (and my) first visit to the ER. She tripped in a coffee shop and tried to catch herself my grabbing my very full, very hot americano that had just been put down. She got 2nd degree burns on her hand and side. Thankfully, no skin grafts were needed and she's nearly better now, 4 weeks later.

Plava showing Dad the funny sunglasses that she got from her first ballet class, which she was far too nervous to participate in. She clung to me the whole time and together, we watched the class. :) Class number 2 was much the same. Here's to hoping the next one is better!!

Pito got some too.

Pito fast asleep on the lower bunk. She's doing really well in a big girl bed!

Pito has found some interesting hiding spots. Can you find her? :)

And last but not least, and artistic shot of our kitty, Sylvie, taken by Plava.

Shhhhhh.

2009-10-05T13:51:00.005-07:00

Today is good. Pito is asleep in her new big-girl bunkbed which she now shares with Plava in their cute little room full of furniture of different colours, clothes stuffed messily into drawers, toys piled on shelves, and hair clips, elastics, and the odd used tissue littering the floor. Aaaah, children's rooms. :)
Plava, who is changing rapidly before our eyes, is at her new preschool. You may be surprised to hear me say that, since previously I had talked about doing a little homeschoolish kind of thing with her, since her preschool from last year closed, but there we were at the lunch table one day, me and my two little girls, and Plava said, quite out of the blue, "I wish I was going to preschool."

"You do?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I miss going to preschool."

Now, I wasn't absolutely surprised. Ryan had been saying this for the past week or so, that he thought she was missing going to preschool, but I just kept remembering how hard the entire year was last year, with her never wanting me to leave, often crying, and having such a hard time participating in anything when she was there. It was a huge amount of pressure on her, AND ME, and it became even clearer that that was the case this summer when she seemed to just relax and come out of her shell at a pace faster than we had seen all year. It was as if the stress of preschool twice a week was gone and she could just emerge on her own terms.

In considering what to do this fall, I just felt exhausted with the idea of going through another year of a new place, going through the emotions of having to leave her and seeing her cry, and this time it would be leaving her with people I didn't even know!! (I knew her teachers previous to her going to preschool last year.) Then imagining having to start all over again in Kindergarten...it was too much for me to handle at the time, especially with everything else I had on my plate, so I decided we'd take it easy and do the "teach your kid to read" thing.

But on that day, when Plava said that she missed it, I decided to try calling a preschool in our neighbourhood. I had passed it a handful of times, but had always assumed that like many of the others around, it would be full and with a long waitlist. I also didn't know anything about it. It was in a house, and you never know what that will be like.

But I called, and spoke for a long time with the teacher, and found out that there were 2 spots available, one of which would likely be taken by the end of the day. I talked to Ryan and decided to take the girls in the next day to visit the place, check it out, see the teachers, and see how it felt.

It was amazing. I have such respect for these women who run the place. Much like last year, they are warm and caring, understanding of each child's individual and different needs, and are so sensitive to the fact that some of the kids are just plain scared. I watched a circle-time and was so impressed with their loving demeanor. We walked outside and took a look at the back yard, and WOW, it was amazing. What a dreamland play area for the kids!! A "secret garden", a bike track, loads of toys. It was great.

But the thing that sold me on the place was when Plava reached up and pulled me down to her level, then quietly whispered into my ear, "Mama, can I go play?"

That was it. She wanted to leave my side and go play. WOW. So, she did. She played with some playdough at a little table, and so did Pito, right beside her. And when it was time to go, she didn't want to. (Imagine!) And the next day was her first day!!!

She's doing so well, and it's SO nice to know that she loves it! She comes home every time telling me all about what she did and how much fun she had and what she told her teachers and what songs they sang and.....etc etc. It's wonderful!

So now I'm left with some very quiet afternoons, because Preschool is right at Pito's nap time, here I sit and blog!! Actually, I made a sling for a friend first, and cut out another one for another friend, but then I sat down at the computer. :)

We haven't dropped the reading lessons either. They're actually going really well, and both Plava and I love them. I can't say she hasn't been rather squirmy and unfocussed on a few occasions, but she loves it still, so I can't complain! We're already up to the letter Q (names and sounds of letters) and I'm constantly amazed at a young child's ability to absorb material. She struggles to remember things only for a day or two, then it's set in stone in her memory. Crazy! I wish my brain worked like that!

The next thing we're going to do is go to the library and get some books out about stars and the solar system, and constellations. She's so intrigued and amazed by seeing stars out in the night sky lately (perhaps because she went to bed before they came out for the last many months!) and I'm going to run with it. I love this kind of stuff!! Woo hoo!!

Anyway, I'm thankful for some moments of peace in my life at the moment. Peace is good. Quiet is good. Very very good.

swooning like a damsel

2009-09-23T20:23:00.003-07:00

I am tired right now. My legs are aching, my head is too, and I'm slumped rather crookedly on a couch typing away. Ti-yerd. Yes.

I DID do some heavy lifting yesterday. I was one of four people (actually the only girl, and I felt quite buff and proud by the end of it all) who moved a piano out of a room, down a flight of stairs, and onto the back of a pickup. That may be why my legs are so sore!! :D

BUT, it's the headache that has been bothering me so much. It's actually been lingering around for a while. It is the latest in a series of strange things that have been happening to my body since this stressful summer happened. Stressful, you ask? What has been stressful? Well, let me elaborate.

We moved. Ryan got in a car accident. Plava's preschool closed. Ryan's neck got very sore and started going to the physio and doctor's appointments. I searched for a "plan b" for preschool this fall. The car was a writeoff. I started a second part-time job. I decided that I'd "homeschool" Plava this year, teaching her to read from a book I bought. We bought a van, and a week later, got the lamest, hugest flat tire I've ever seen, and needed to purchase a brand new, very expensive tire. The new job got quite stressful. At a visit to a coffee shop, Pito tripped and pulled a steaming americano onto herself, resulting in 2nd degree burns on her hand and abdomen. We discovered that big sister, Plava, doesn't do so well in hospitals when her sister's gross, gory hand is exposed. Many visits to the hospital later, we were referred to a plastic surgeon. Thankfully, he was the loveliest doctor I've ever met and only had good news to bear (i.e. she doesn't need skin grafting).

Amidst all this, and I'm very much hoping (and thinking) that it's actually a result of it all, I have been feeling faint and having many, MANY, near-fainting episodes. Along with this, I have tingly limbs and am getting some annoying headaches. Intersperced in this time were days and weeks when I didn't feel comfortable driving because of this condition and so I found myself stuck at home, with things to do, not able to get out and do them.

So, yeah. It's been a stressful time. I'm hoping that things calm down soon. After a handful of visits to my family doctor (I'm persistent, at least!) and some tests coming back negative, I have now been referred to a neurologist, which sounds really big and dramatic, but is really just the next step in testing and potential discovery of just what is up with my body. The more I think of it though, the more I think it's actually anxiety-induced.

I was driving the van today, with the girls, (and driving is when I feel it the most) and accidentally did something funky with the accelerator, causing the van to stall in the middle of the highway. I pulled over and put on my blinkers, and was quite anxious about it all as I restarted the thing, and as I pulled out and got back onto the road, I found myself having to breathe through the feeling of fainting. It spoke loudly to me of how much anxiety is actually causing it, and possibly is actually THE cause of it all.

What a pain in the neck though!! Man, I just want to feel normal again!! So, I know it's not the most exciting thing to read, but it's the picture of my days recently, and I'd love for y'all to be thinking of me.

Tomorrow should be an exciting day, and I'm really looking forward to it. On a whim today, and after Plava told me outright that she wishes she was going to preschool, I called up one that I knew was close to our house, expecting it to be full and waitlisted like so many are around here. To my surprise, they have a few spaces left!! So tomorrow morning we're going to check the place out, and if it seems good, we may just put her in there!! I will, of course, keep going on the book I'm taking her through myself, which has been so fun and is going so well, by the way, but it will be so nice for her if she just loves preschool and has fun there. Here's to hoping.

Also, tomorrow is Plava's first ballet class. It's just a small rec centre one, so I'm hoping it's less intimidating that the one I put her in last year with 20 odd kids dancing around in their fairy costumes. :) Here's to hoping again!!!

Well, I'm feeling better already. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. Yes.

lights, camera...

2009-09-01T20:15:00.004-07:00

We had all finished a big pizza dinner, the lot of us, and soon heard the kids, who had for some time now been frolicking in the grass in their beautiful dresses (except the one boy) that weren't completely appropriate camp-wear, but who could convince 4-year olds otherwise? They were beckoning us all over to the little park's amphitheater for a "show".

All of us cousins followed our children over and sat down, followed by the aunts and uncles, and even Baba, the lone matriarch (or so we like to call her), made her way over with some help, and her chair, to sit and watch the little performance.

As we were gathering, the five 4-year olds and various other littler siblings milled about the stage, coming and going, hiding behind the large display board and emerging to see if everyone was ready. Amidst all this bumbling, Plava (yes, our timid Plava!) piped at the top of her lungs to the group of 30 or so family members, "EVERYONE TAKE YOUR SEATS! THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!!"

Where she learned these phrases is beyond me. She said them with such gusto, and volume, that I was left fairly dumbfounded as I watched her prance back behind the board and then emerge moments later and yell it again, with a big smile on her face.

When we were all ready, and for the 3rd or 4th time, responded to her call with "READY!!", the kids all got excited and sort of collected themselves in the middle for a moment before launching into "the show". Little Mana, with the sweetest of faces, ran around in large circles singing her loud song that was pretty much her yelling something like "WHEN WE RUN AND PLAY IT'S SO MUCH FUN!!!!" (again and again), while the others danced and moved around.

As they performed, the adults laughed and clapped and then Plava got an idea. She bent down, put her head on the ground, and did a sommersault. We cheered loudly, and when she realized it was for her, she got an amused look on her face, and did it again, popping up to watch our reaction again. Well it didn't take long for the other kids to catch on, and soon there were sommersaults happening all over the place!!

When the show started petering out, the adults clapped and applauded (and the kids tried to keep going...) and laughed again and the spectacle. This reunion would be one to remember, the first five kids were 4-year olds now, and how they had grown!!

The first reunion was when they were babies, Plava herself being only 4 weeks old. We sat them in a line and took a picture, and it was fairly easy, seeing as they were just wee babies. Not too much complaining.

The second reunion was when they were 2. Two was when Plava was in the height of her shyness, I believe, and the photo was a source of serious fear. At the very last moment, Plava, who was too shy to sit on the couch with the other kids, was hoisted into her spot by a cousin and burst into screaming tears.

This time, it was utter chaos. If it had been more calm, I think both Plava and Pito would have been okay with a picture, but there's something that happens to the family when everyone is trying to get the kids into a picture. It's as if the FRANTIC train hits everyone upside the head and it doesn't matter how miserable the kids are, WE ARE GOING TO GET THIS PICTURE, DARN IT!!

Are we crazy? I think so.

Anyway, the picture was taken, and poof. We have the line-up shot, once again.

Poof! I'm gone!

bummer summer

2009-08-25T13:37:00.009-07:00

Okay, that sounded really negative - bummer summer? Sometimes I just like a little more rhyme in my life.

This summer has been wrought with excitement, too much to do, sickness, birthdays, expectations, and a whole lot of sun!! We're heading out this weekend for our last (I think....?) summer getaway to Kelowna for a family reunion. We'll be camping in....

OUR NEW VAN!!!! (I imagined that being said just like in a cheesy TV game show.)

*Jang!*

(that's a super-ultra-cute Japanese way of saying "Ta-da!" - appropriate because it's a picture of our super-ultra-cute Japanese import.)

WE ARE QUITE EXCITED ABOUT OUR NEW DELICA. WE HAVE NAMED HER VICKY, IN HONOUR OF OUR FIRST LITTLE PUNY CAR IN JAPAN, WHICH ACTUALLY WAS A "VICKY" - THAT WAS THE MAKE. WEIRD.

Enough of that caps lock. I think you can tell I'm excited.

So you can see that we took it camping. We went to Allouette Lake for a few nights with some friends, and had a lovely time in spite of Pito being in a "dirty, eugh" phase.

Just look at this cool van. It's even cool with a kid going potty in front of it!

Other summer excitement - we had Plava's 4th birthday party!! I was a GREAT day. I invited a spattering of people that Plava loves:

some neighbours

some friends from church

and a whole bunch of family.

It wasn't your typical kid birthday party, but an event with people young and old who were there for Plava. It was so nice. Did I mention it was great? :)

If you don't believe me, just ask Pito.

AND the cupcake pops turned out marvelously!!

Not quite as perfect as Miss Bakerella's, but pretty sassy lookin' regardless!

They were also DELICOUS, but a lot of work people. A lot of work.

Worth it for this cute little clown, though. She LOVED them.

I've started my new job doing the bookkeeping for Small Ritual Coffee, the coffee house our church just opened up. This place is awesome, people. Awesome. There are already two or three nights a week that we have live music, and the place is packed out! There's local art on the walls (for sale), nice people, really good coffee, and a serious excitement in the place. (or is that just me??) As for the job, it's good. I feel like I have a buttload of things to get done in a very small amount of time every week, but I'm hoping those things get smoothed out over the coming few months as I get into a rhythm. MAN, between this, the bookkeeping for church, doing various things around the house...

LIKE RE-GROUTING THE BATHROOM (check out that hot handy-lady!!)

...preparing mentally for the fall, doing the usual meal prep, house cleaning and grocery shopping, and the fact that I've been feeling really unwell for the past month, I'm feeling swamped!

I'm doing alright though. I've decided that in light of the cancellation of Plava's preschool, and the lack of space anywhere else, and her temperment, and after a lot of thought, I'm going to try my hand at a little preschool homeschooling this year. I've got a great book that leads a parent through teaching a child to read, and I really think Plava is ready for it. I'm also going to be signing her up for another little dance class, something that she's now asking for and excited about. I hope that she loves it. :)

Well, a couple weeks left of this crazy summer! I admit I'm looking forward to the fall. I look forward to being a little more scheduled and planning my weeks a little better. I look forward to autumn, my FAVOURITE time of year. I look forward to (finally) planning our housewarming openhouse for friends and family. I look forward to spending days with these two little monkeys!!

slip n slide

2009-08-05T12:55:00.004-07:00

It was hot and Plava was so excited as we waited in the line-up to get into the Cultus Lake waterslides. We inched forward and when our time came, we paid and went in, found ourselves a nice picnic bench, and started getting girls into swimsuits and lathering each other up with sunscreen. The place had a great little kids' area where there were a handful of child-friendly slides, some ending in the big pool, and some in small shallow pools of their own.

We reminisced back to the first time we took Plava to the waterslides when she was just about 2. She shocked us when she laughed her way down the slides and immediately upon entering the pool cried out, "AGAIN!!". Our shy little thing was quite taken by the slides. We expected more from Pito, her being naturally more brave and determined than Plava ever was, and were excited to see her reaction to the slides.

Well as it always goes, we were wrong in our guessing. She did find them amusing, but only mildly. When we took her down the big ones on our lap she sat, straight-faced, in our laps and only when I would ask her "is this fun??" would she answer with a calm, "yah". We'd splash into the water, and still very little smile or enjoyment. It was as if she could take it or leave it.

The childrens' area, however, she enjoyed, but seemed continually angry and irritated at the fact that I insisted on sliding down with her on my lap. She wanted to go down on her own, which was out of the question because there was no way she would be able to land even in the shallow pools without completely going under. So I persisted, and insisted that she go down on my lap. She seemed a little happier sitting between my legs, but still on the slide itself, but was still unsatisfied.

SO, in a moment of fitful independance, she took it into her own hands. I sat her down on the slide, and before I could get my rear end seated behind her, she pushed off and started down on her own. To add to the drama, she flipped herself onto her stomach, so she was heading down feet first on her belly. She would now definitely go under when she reached the bottom. So, being a mother like many other, I threw myself down the slide after her. I must have looked absolutely ridiculous as I clambered, slipped, and bashed my way down the thing. It wasn't graceful, nor was the ending when Pito finally slammed into Plava, who started bawling from the shock, completely went under, and then started bawling herself when I lugged her out of the water, and I sat there, calming two girls down, aching with the pain of my scraped up knees and elbows.

The wounds are still visible, but are nearly gone. I wish I could say she learned her lesson, but that Pito is one fearless kid when it comes to water. She continually throws herself into pools, knowing that someone will catch her, and oh, isn't it so funny??? Aaaah, crazy kid. Good thing she's so cute. :)

The Amazing Adventures (2)

2009-07-30T13:46:00.004-07:00

Continued...

Advenutre #2
We headed home after camping, and a day later headed out to Whistler, home of the 2010 Olympics!!! We have done the Whistler getaway quite a few times now, and weren't so sure we wanted to do it again, especially with the little kidlets because it often seems like there are loads of things to do, but not for little kids. But we decided to follow Ryan's parents' plan and go up (a day later than them!) and have a ride up the mountain on the gondola. They've also recently opened the "Peak to Peak" gondola, which goes from Whistler Mountain to Blackcomb Mountain.

Going up the mountain on the gondola. (Note Pito's expression...) Haha.

Same place, just the two other people on the gondola.
Plava was VERY excited about the gondolas and was so brave!!

Playing in the snow, in the heat. Weird and wonderful.

Plava was feeling so brave that she requested to go up on the chair lift with Ryan to the very top of the mountain. Ryan was more nervous than her about her being on a chair lift. :)

At the very top, Plava poses under the Olympic Logo.
(She was just about to start crying here because too many people were watching her.)

And while they were up on the top of the mountain, Pito was having fun with this guy.

Let me just tell you here, that I was completely unprepared for this. It's not as if I didn't know that the gondola went from one mountain peak to the other, but I just never gave a thought to just what this ride would be like. I didn't think about the fact that it would be VERY high and VERY terrifying. It was amazing, too, and beautiful, and breathtaking, but WOAH. WOAH.

I was not prepared for this.

Neither was Ryan.

The kids enjoyed it and didn't have any fear. :)

And what do you know? Blackcomb was as sunny, hot, and beautiful as Whistler!!

Whistler was great, and hot, and great. We had a lovely time for 2 nights and then headed home.

Adventure #3
If you've been following this blog for a looooong time (and I commend you if you have, with my long absences), then you may vaguely remember THIS post. Well, because of Ryan's accident a few weeks ago, and our car being written off, we are in search of a new vehicle, and it just so happens that we're going to go for the Delica!! Aaaeeeiiiii!!! (It's the bottom one with the handsome guy posing with it in that old post). We are very excited because (a) they are really cool, (b) they are right-hand drive, (c) they are unique, (d) we can take one of these camping and actually sleep in the thing if we want to, (e) they are really cool. Did I mention they are really cool? :) Anyway, we're pretty excited. They also seat 7 people, which is great because then we can actually offer rides to people sometimes. Hah!

So, life is rather exciting at the moment!! :)

The Amazing Adventures of the Koch Family

2009-07-30T12:04:00.007-07:00

Yes, it has been an exciting and adventurous few weeks. We went camping, we went to Whistler, we put a deposit down on a van, we're days away from Plava's 4th birthday party, and I am in recovery from a nasty fever that I came down with yesterday morning. We're talking hallucination-level fever people. Well, actually that makes it sound like I was seeing things that weren't there or something. I was actually just continually having strong deja-vu, kind of. With every blink. Seriously. Does that sound weird? Well it was.

Adventure #1
SO, we were camping for about 5 or 6 days and it was lovely. The Spent thing was nearly impossible camping, as it seems. I admit we could have made a little more effort, but there's something about camping and 'smores and chips and sugary iced tea that just seems right. Sigh!!

We camped at Cultus Lake, which we had never done before, and it was really nice, apart from the fact that we were fairly close to a road and parking lot of a corner store and there were some teens blaring their music one evening. But no, it was really nice. We went to the waterslides one day, and to Dinotown another day (totally recommended, by the way!), and spent days hanging out at the lake. Teresa, Gregg, Cousin F & E came for a few nights too, and camped in their cool orange van, which doubles as a jungle gym for the kids during the day, it would seem. :)

Here are some pictures.

One of the first days, Cousin J and Grandma came for a visit. Much bubble blowing and running ensued.

Pito looks on.

I LOVE THIS PICTURE!

The fun orange van. (Plava, Cousin F, and neighbouring camper friend)

Unfortunately, there was a campfire ban after the first few nights, so this was our alternative plan.

Plava, Doggy and Pito, posing on the log.

On a walk by the lake, the one day that it rained a little.

On that same walk, me and Pito.

Dinotown!!! The excitement is evident.

Pito on the slide.

Plava on a bouncy bird.

Teresa & Cousin F on the bumper cars.

Having a ride on the train.

Boating on the little river.

And Ryan and I even got to get a little heat-induced aggression on on a solo bumper-car moment.

Can you feel the release?? Aaaaah.

Back to the campsite. Ryan and the girls eating lunch.
(This is Pito's funny posing these days. She throws her head back and flashes a goofy smile, or something like it.)

Enjoying the lake, and our new floaty toys.

Pito sitting back and relaxing in the sun.

While Ryan and Plava "plant a garden"
(Plava's idea - they stuck leaves in the sand to look like plants.)

Pito and Daddy, playing catch. I just love those little toddler legs. :)

my new idol

2009-07-16T15:03:00.001-07:00

I have found an awesome website, and it's funny that I'm so into it while doing this Spent thing, but MAN!! She inspires me!!

http://bakerella.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!!

things that make me laugh

2009-07-16T14:49:00.003-07:00

Pito's dancing (looks like a hyper limp, with a huge smile on her face)

Plava saying to me today, while Pito screamed her head off at being forced into her carseat, and I was trying to talk to her and calm her down, "Just leave her, Mama. She needs to calm down by herself." And when she did calm down, "See? She did it all by herself!! That's what we need to do."

Plava and her cousin F today playing away in their pretty dresses, passing a baby back and forth and talking about how the baby was dead.

Watching "The Office"

Feeling the breeze through the window as I rest on the couch. (It's kind of a mad, crazy laughter that only people who are stressed and get little time to themselves would understand.)

Ryan's spontaneous dancing.

This spontaneous dancing.

Having a family dance party in the kitchen to ABBA.

Looking again and again at my girls' passport photos.

Hanging out with good friends.

...

So, what makes you laugh?

nearly heaven

2009-07-15T13:47:00.008-07:00

After having mostly scrubbed the facepaint off both Pito and Plava's faces, after a shrieking tantrum over wanting to get into her pajamas BEFORE visiting the bathroom, and after tucking them both into their beds and quiety creeping out of the room, I sat down at the computer, happy to have a moment to myself. To do what? To blog!!

We are in our new house now!!! We love it!! The kids are playing outside ALL THE TIME!! It helps, of course, that it's summer. :)

Yes, it's great. We're in the process of painting, and then stopping to decide whether we really want to paint all of the walls this colour....and then painting some more, and stopping again. Haha. It's all fun!!

The house is mostly unpacked now, although our room still has a few boxes sitting in the corners. It also has a serious need for some new wall colours since we're not so into the puke green with barf beige wainscoting. Call us picky, but it's just how we feel.

On a rather unfortunate note, we're dealing with a myriad of other stresses at the moment. Apparently, when you get something REALLY GOOD, other things in life have to go bad to really balance it out. Ha ha ha.

Ryan got in a car accident last week, thankfully not his fault. He is sore and achy, seeing doctors, chiropractors and hopefully soon a physiotherapist, and the car is a writeoff. This is good and bad, really. It's our old Jetta that was in the accident, and we know it needed work soon anyway, but this just means we're going to have to find another car for Ryan to use for work, and soon. There are worse things....right?

We also are trying to keep in touch with the strata for our last place because there was an electrical issue that came up just before we moved out that we need to make sure gets resolved.

I've also been trying to work out a new schedule for my work doing the bookkeeping for our church, and although it's better this way, I'm finding myself a little anxious as I try and make sure I keep on top of things. That, and I'm taking on a new job doing the bookkeeping for the coffee house that we're opening this summer, and that is leaving me rather anxious as well.

To top it all off, we were just informed that Plava's preschool is going to be shutting down. C.R.A.P. I'm so worried about this particular issue that all I could do this morning when Pito woke up at 5:30 and joined us in bed was to lay awake thinking about what in the world we're going to do in the fall. For one, there is no space anywhere it seems, unless we want to put her in a hoity-toity high priced specialty preschool. I wouldn't be against exploring it, but the money!!! That, and Plava has done so well this year slowly coming out of her shell and I really worry about what will happen if I were to stick her in a whole new environment. To be honest, the biggest issue for me is that her teacher is amazing and has done so well drawing Plava out of her shell slowly, and where will I find someone as good to replace her? Aaaah!! So, I have no idea what to do about that one.

So, yes, life is making me rather anxious at the moment and I feel like this is not the first time I've written a blog post like this!! Ack! Where did my cool, collected, calm and laid-back side go?? It's like someone sucked it out of me and replaced it with this low stressy rumble in the back of my mind.

BUT, back to the exciting stuff. Here are some pictures of the house, and us enjoying it!!! :D

the kitchen

one of Pito's favourite spots to hang out

the girls' room

which they're quite excited about!!

the living room
(Note the dark brown wall, painted by us. Everything started out in that yellowish colour on the left.)

the entryway, and Ryan's arm
(...we needed to figure out how to turn the fan down, and Ryan got creative with some tongs.)

the dining area
(...again, note the nice, dark brown wall, and the yellow, which is now being painted grey.)

this is the girls' big joke every morning while I make my smoothie.
Anything is funny when they both do it. :)

the girls playing the (VERY out of tune) piano

waiting for Daddy to come home

We have a lovely yard now which we're really enjoying!

see?
(please note that Plava is NOT wet, but Pito is drenched...guess who was holding the hose?)

blowing bubbles together on the deck

Pito REALLY wanting me to come and push her on the swing.

WEEEE!!!
(I love her smile.)

thugs.

2009-07-13T17:40:00.003-07:00

Have you seen these girls?

Name: Pito Slugger Koch
Wanted For: fiery temper, short fuse, determined to get her own way EVERY time, and incessantly requesting blueberries.
Last Seen: in the bathroom, splashing around in the toilet water.

Name: Plava Butidontwanna Koch
Wanted For: using a sassy tone of voice with her mother, refusing to obey, returning to the land of screaming tantrums.
Last Seen: lurking in the hallway with a sour expression.

(Truth be told...we got passport photos today and they both did MARVELOUSLY!! Even timid, nervous Plava!! She was determined to be brave. :) And she did it!)

in the fray

2009-06-17T10:18:00.003-07:00

This is it, people. I have officially reached the point of simply desiring the time to pass more quickly. That doesn't come on so easily for me, for some reason, but I know that when it does, I am just needing to hunker down and bear through the next little while.

We have 1 week before we move. We are dealing with trying to finish up our packing, changing over our utilities, carting Plava back and forth to and from preschool (today is her last day!!!), keeping sane and keeping the children sane while we try and pack up their bedrooms, putting up with our VERY ANGRY neighbours who have been giving us the cold shoulder ever since we sold and they didn't, as well as some other things. That, and my personal level of sanity has been edging a little closer to "not so rational and collected" in the past while, causing the poor kids to put up with a very cranky mother which results in them acting out more, crying and whining at the smallest things, and pummelling each other at will.

Sigh!!! A week to go. Here's to hoping everything goes as planned and we live through the craziness that we're facing!!!

That said, we are SUPER DUPER excited about our new place!! Eeeeee!!! Pictures will be posted once we've moved in and settled a little. We'll also be out of internet for 5 or 6 days I've just found out, and I'm NOT happy about that. Oh well.

I'll try and get back on here as soon as I can once things have settled down! In the meantime, wish us luck with the move and all the stuff that goes along with it!

(PS - Spent is going well, but is a lot harder under stress!! I remain thankful though, that I've got the energy I do because of being on Spent. I think things would be a lot worse if I didn't.)

I should be packing...

2009-05-21T20:44:00.002-07:00

Okay, okay okay!!! I have NOT fallen off the Spent bandwagon!! Let me just announce that!! I am really hoping to post some updates, but my goodness!! Life has taken a sharp turn!

Okay, that sounded really dramatic. To get to the point, we put our house up for sale, and POOF!! Just like that, it was sold!! And just like that, we need to move out in 4 weeks. Yes, that is very soon.

SO, the house hunt is on, and so is the packing. I should be doing that right now, which is why I'm going to be brief.

Spent- we're doing GREAT with it. I'm starting to lose some serious poundage which is quite an exciting side-effect, and we're still feeling really good. Eating has changed so much. I still want sugary things sometimes, especially in the evening, which was always a weak time for my sweet tooth, but I'm handling it really well, if I do say so myself. I'm finding different things to eat when I crave sweets. I eat a mango, or half a banana (only half because bananas have enough sugar in them that they shouldn't be eaten too often), or a handful of nut mixture with dates (yes, dates! They are really sweet, and totally fine!). Also, I'm trying to drink water like crazy. Partly because I know I need to, and partly because, well, I'm actually wanting it more. I'm not sure if it has to do with the new way of eating or the warm weather lately or what, but I actually feel thirsty quite often. Right now, actually.

So, we have not been able to read the book every evening like we had before. In fact, I think we've only done 3 "days" since the last post. I'll very briefly describe them, and will try and revisit them soon in more detail.

1 - Lose gluten. Yes, all gluten - all wheat, rye and barley products. Look it up. It's a toughie. :)
2 - Do the chair supported savasana, sometimes.
3 - The third day was just pretty much a reminder to keep going on all the things you've been doing. :)

Okay, so they were pretty easy days to go through, but all in all, we're still keeping up all the stuff we have started, and are still feeling good. I haven't noticed any changes since giving up gluten, but I think that we inadvertently gave most of it up before we got to that day.

Okay, gotta pack!! Happy un-Spent-ing!!!

Spent - Week 2, day 1

2009-05-10T20:31:00.002-07:00

So, the first week was called "Nourish". (I forgot to tell you that!) This new week is called "Move". The week will be:

"...a look at the ways in which you move - posturewise and exercisewise - and modify the way you stand, sit, and work out by using proper alignment in a way that feeds you rather than fatigues you."

Sounds good to me.

Day 8: Practice Good Posture

This is the day that we're supposed to have one of those foam rollers I mentioned before. Did I get one? Nope!! Oh well, I'll do what I can. But the idea of this posture thing is that when you're slumped over, your muscles, and actually your whole body, are much more strained. Your body compensates for the awkward positioning by straining other areas, causing aches and pain.

SO, there's a "posture check" that he suggests you do, which is basically lying flat on the floor as comfortably as possible and noting the imbalance in your position. Does one leg turn out more than the other? Does your head want to flop to one side more than the other? That kind of thing. Then, he says to get your foam roller....and the rest is really history because I don't have one!! :)

He leads you through a "spinal reset" which is essentially lying on the roller (head to tailbone) and relaxing your back around it for a few minutes. Then you'd try the posture check again to see if it's different. Interesting, and I wish I had a darn foam roller!! I suppose I should get one.

Anyway, ta ta!

Spent - Week 1, day 7

2009-05-10T20:20:00.002-07:00

Yes!! It has been a whole week!! An amazingly transforming week, I must say. I have never chopped so many vegetables and fruits in such a short time before!! Haha.

I am loving this. It's a challenge sometimes, but generally I'm really happy with how I'm able to keep on track, not eat sugar, do the breathing and tennis ball release, and just make healthier choices in general. I can't believe there are still 5 weeks of things to change!

Day 7: Restore Yourself

This day is all about trying out restorative yoga, which is used for people recovering from injuries and such, and is a relaxing way to release Spent. The jist of it? Do the wall stretch every morning and the basic savasana every evening before bed. Here they are. Easy peasy! And while I haven't quite got the hang of the morning one, the evening one is very nice and relaxing. :)

Week 1, COMPLETE!! Feeling good...

schmother's day

2009-05-10T20:03:00.002-07:00

Yes, it was Mother's day today.

Actually, it still is because it's only 8:04, but I have officially decided that I'm not going to consider it Mother's Day anymore, because then I don't have to be sad and disappointed about how shoddy a day it was. Sigh!! It was tiring, to say the least. I led music this morning at church, and unfortunately Ryan had a work thing he had to go to, so I needed to figure out what to do with little Pito (Ryan did take Plava with him) while we set up the sound system, practiced, and then actually did the service. Hm. We have a lovely 10 year old friend who took on the task, and she did very well, and then needed to pass sad Pito off to another adult friend, who also did marvelously, but once the actual music in the service was done, so was Pito. No more shoving me away, mom!! She was cranky, wired and tired, and just wanted her mama. That set the stage for the rest of the day.

Afterwards, Ryan suggested that we go out for lunch for mother's day - just our fam. That sounded nice, but we struggled to figure out where to go and eat while on this Spent thing. We ended up saying, "oh heck, it's a special day!" and White Spot it was. The Legendary platter was what we both ordered, while Pito bounced around the seats, screaming at the smallest displeasure, and Plava piping in out of general cranky exhaustion too. It was one of those times when we were just looking at each other thinking, "what in the world were we thinking coming here?". We managed to get through lunch, and by the time we got up, we were feeling bloated and horrible. We couldn't believe the effect that restaurant food had on us, and how obvious it was, considering how well we've been feeling over the past week. Ryan had ordered a coke too, kind of snickering at the sugar, and when it arrived and he took a sip, he could hardly finish it. I tried a sip too, and honestly it tasted like syrup!! Crazy!! Gross!!

So home we went and put the girls down for naps. Plava went down very well, as usual, but Pito was just wired and unhappy, which is quite unusual for her. She cried and cried, and finally I just got her into bed with me to try and snuggle her to sleep. Didn't work one bit, and after a few attempts I just gave up and let her climb down from the bed. Well, I was lying there resting still, and off she went to wake up Plava. Yes, she opened Plava's door and woke her up. Super.

So, not only was I feeling rotten after that meal, but the low blood sugar hit me so hard that I was a cranky, frustrated, short-fused mom for the rest of the afternoon. Not only that, but Plava was off from having been rudely awoken, and Pito was just wired still, screaming and laughing and running in circles.

They are now in bed, thankfully. And I am recovering. I had a really good, light dinner of chicken salad and it was like a breath of fresh air. I can not believe how quickly my body and desires towards food have changed!!

So lesson learned. No sick restaurant food again, unless it's a decent restaurant with some seriously healthy choices. It wasn't worth it! Now, I'm going to sit and watch Mamma Mia, which I planned to do tonight while Ryan was out at his rehearsal. And you know what, I'm going to have a nice evening!!!!!

Hippy-Happy Mother's Day!! Haha.

Spent - Week 1, day 6

2009-05-09T07:24:00.002-07:00

So! I didn't get any time yesterday to sit down and write an entry here. It was a go-go-go day, if you know what I mean. A fun visit to the Aquarium with Shelley and her nephew, (oh and my girls), and then home for naps which lasted, oh, 20 minutes, and then out to the grocery store and back home to whip up dinner as fast as I could and then out to a friend's house for a little jam night that lasted until about 9, at which point I got home and starting CLEANING the house. When I say CLEANING, I mean really seriously CLEANING. Why? Well because we've decided to have a second go at selling it. Yes!!

But I digress. Here it is:

Day 6: Find Your Eating Rhythm

So, basically, this is a push to start really listening to your body and when it needs food. I've been finding that my hunger or lack thereof has become quite surprisingly obvious as I've started this, and I'm starting to be able to really tell when my high snacking times are during the day - the times when I need a boost. So, he states some common mistakes that we make when it comes to having a healthy eating rhythm:

- We don't eat enough of the right foods - particularly for breakfast - so our bodies are not nourished. We eat a carb-laden breakfast, and then we binge on sugary snack foods or caffeine in the late morning and afternoon to give ourselves a "boost". (This is very much my habit!! Although, even on the program so far, I still need a boost in the mid to late morning to keep me going.)

- We fill ourselves up with nutrient-deficient food substances and then feel tired.

- We don't eat often enough, (yeah! eat more baby!!!) and then, when we are absolutely starving, we gorge ourselves.

- We eat our largest meal at dinner, when our digestive system is slowing down, instead of at lunch, when it is at its peak.

So, he goes on to discuss the problems with each of these things, and ends up spending time on the last one most. In short, the task for today is to start eating meals (and snacks) in the following way: Nutrient-rich breakfast (like the smoothies), large lunch, smaller dinner (with the veggies/salad as the largest portion of it), and some healthy snacks when needed (nuts, fruit, etc). Another thing he really suggests is sitting down and eating slowly - actually tasting the food and chewing it enough that the digestive system has an easier time.

I'll update today's later!

Frank Lipman MD - "Spent" author

2009-05-07T16:02:00.001-07:00

Here's the guy who's created this whole "spent" thing, explaining the jist of it.